Researchers Talk about the Reasons Pastors Might Cheat


An article by Ayvaunn Penn at talks about why preachers, and everyone else, might choose to sleep around.  Of course, not every pastor is a cheater, but we know that there are quite a few cases where this is true.  The researchers talk about the reasons that your spouse might step out, some of which are avoidable.  Penn’s article also gives advice from black Christian perspective, which is more complicated than the simple rule which says, “If they cheat, you’re gone.”  She says that in spite of what the experts might say about your relationship, how you address infidelity in your marriage is up to you.

One of the things to keep in mind is that a good way to have a mate who is tempted to cheat is to ignore that person’s needs for emotional and other forms of attention.  Not being responsive to the needs of your mate might tempt them to have their needs fulfilled elsewhere.  The researchers also say that the creation of emotional distance can cause people to be unfaithful.  We would argue that being selective about your mate beforehand can benefit you tremendously.  You should spend at least a couple of years observing your mate’s character in a multitude of contexts in order to determine if they have true Christian values or are just talking the talk.

There is also the little issue of technology.  Facebook, Twitter, texting and everything else allows people to remain connected over long periods of time and across long distances. This can lead to outcomes that might not have occurred had the connection never been made in the first place.  The experts talk about how social media can be the reason for many people to have options they might not have had before.   Pastor Carl J. Mimms III, pastor of the Freedom Tabernacle of Praise Church in Indianapolis, once sued his cell phone company for releasing his phone records to his wife, who then confronted him about his cheating in front of both the church and his children.  So, these situations can get messy, which is why preachers’ wives now have their own reality show. 

Ayvaunn Penn says the rest:

It is a harsh truth, but no one is perfect. Not only are fornicators in the pews, they are in the pulpit, too. Many wonder why that is. Well, there are 1,200 psychotherapists, counselors, coaches and other helping professionals, who believe they know the answer, and these specialists comprise Your – the leading online organization specializing in love and relationships.

The first thing their specialists say is that s*x is not the number one reason for cheating. Although it ranks second, emotional discontentment is actually the number one reason for infidelity among both the ladies and the gents. Fret not, however, because there is a solution for this relationship malady according to Dr. Susan Heitler. She explains:

“While there are many factors that can lead to an extramarital s****l encounter, emotional distance is one that couples can prevent. If there’s been distress, dissension or too much distance, take a marriage ed class to learn how to stay more comfortably connected.”



39 Responses to Researchers Talk about the Reasons Pastors Might Cheat

  1. We tend to hold Ministers and other people of authority in too high esteem realizing that they are HUMAN just like everyone else and prone to sin.

  2. dumbicthsmokedope

    cause their mates coochies are dry, their booty stank, their twats smell like a desert full of dead vultures and the scriptures can’t read themselves. like in harry potter.

  3. I really believe that emotional distance can cause one to stray, but only if that person, male or female, is not totally committed to the relationship in the first. Many times couples get married for the wrong reasons such as for financial support or other conveniences. Then when they realize that their emotional needs are not being met they see cheating with a third party as a way to satisfy the need.But once the cheating starts there is an additional problem-being found out by the marrige partner.Now what? Do you take the chance of loosing everything to be with someone who is mostly giving lip service to maintain a toxic relationship?
    Well, I am not an overly religious person, still I believe in doing what is right. And in the past I have been faced with this very situation during my 26 year marriage. Yet, I took the high road and feel better for it even if my husband did cheat about midway through the marriage. In the end we are still together and I have no guilt about cheating.
    I guess every man/woman must make his/her own decision about fidelity and the ultimate price of loosing it.

    • Oh so yall both are cheaters…two wrongs don’t make it right but it damm sure makes it even! HA…damm skippy!

      • I agree. What is good for the goose is even better for the gander. If my husband cheated on me, I would happily TELL him I will be cheating on him. If fact, I will prepare to leave the house for the night and tell him to his face that I will see his dumb a*s in the morning. If he attempts to hit me or stop me, then I will spray Mace all over his dumb black stinky a*s until he dies from an asthma attack and simply tell the cops I sprayed his dumb a*s in self defense. This is so simple and easy to do. Ladies, you can order a small can of Mace for less than $10.00 on-line. Just google “Mace” while you are on-line and enjoy your night out!! Remember, men are a dime a dozen so stand up for your rights. I feel this way… if a man can do it then I can do it better!!!!! :)

        • “Remember, men are a dime a dozen so stand up for your rights.”

          Truer words have never been spoken. I have to say, macing the poor man and stepping out on him into the night is some cold sh*t – not to mention funny as h*ll. But hey, he asked for it, right? LOL.

  4. Because the Goods are delivered to the Pastors in very large numbers, on a platter. The females (and/or males) are all looking for a good, so call “leader of the community” Silver tongue, charmistic, well spoken (some of them) well groomed, money his pocket kinda man. You see there are just not enough of that kind of men in our churches and in our communities. The pickings are slim. So one advance or eye from the Pastor and the female now become just one in a million, thinking she will change him into a “do right man.” As to why do they cheat on their wives……They have a buffect of deserts at their beacon call. It does not matter if the wife is good or bad, neat or not, smelly or not. Preachers are, humans and when it offered to them daily, they take advantage of it. They are no different from any other man. Thats right, no different from anybody else. You say, they are suppose to be. Yea, but the real deal is, they are not. It is offered and they grab it. This is not new.

    • Preachers are nothing but pimps. In fact, they make pimps look holy in comparison! The only difference is that pimps sit behind the wheel of a car and preachers sit behind the podium at a church! Pimps and preachers dress alike, wear the same fragrances, wear the same style hats, walk the same, make the same money from their hoes and church members and both like to eat chicken and waffles! Take a look at your pastor and wake up!

  5. The black community is really screwed up this issue, many black preachers are crooks, gay, and or pimps. This is ghetto culture they can’t rid themselves of. I believe most of this sh*t starts because stupid black woman in the church go over the top when they praise their minister. This results in the Negroe preacher thinking he’s now superfly and will then start his pimping/player activities.

    • Apostle Cheryl Williams

      I am a Black Woman Pastor and I am not a pimp, crook and or gay! I have been married for 27 yrs. And if people put their preacher at the top, thats an individual choice. Nowhere does the bible say to do that. You seem to have a bad view of woman in or out of the church. And of preachers, but now all are the same…my brother!

      • If you would have actually read my comment you would noticed I used the word MANY. Webster’s definition of this word pertains to a large number or quanity, it does not mean or indicate ALL. As for having a bad view or opinon of women well I don’t, but I do have a problem with ignorance and stupidy from both men and women. Especially the ones who see and contribute to all the mayhem and sickness in the black community and pretend that it does not exist. And the ones use phony excuses to justify their own crooked behavoir. This goes for people in the church and theos who have never sat one foot in a church lobby…My sista!!

  6. I do not want to hear it. The reason for their infidelity is because of there so called esteemed position. They are not suppose to be administering to the people because they are not of the levitical priesthood period. Only the tribe of levi is suppose to be keepers of the tabernacles, why because you have to be without sin to do so. If not you would die getting close to the tabernacle in sin! This is why every body thinks that tithing means money, when it is not! all churches are 501c3 meaning tax exempt thus getting money from the government to teach false doctrines to lead the masses astray and leading them to the lake of fire period. People need to stop going to church and actually open up the bible and they will see for themselves the truth.


    • This is weird, so you are neither Jewish nor Christian – and obviously you have very little knowledge of the Bible or human nature! There is no human without sin, and for your information, 501c3 status does not mean one gets money from the government. where have you been?

      • Erica you hit the nail on the head. Tithing isn’t about money and 90% of the churches that are non-profit 501c3 status are receiving grants and money from government programs that are design to control the leadership! Cjuck where have been?

  7. Pingback: The jury is out: Reasons why some pastors sleep around | YNaija

  8. Folks, Please take time out of your busy schedule to Read Genesis Chapter 3 and Romans Chapter 1 (KJV)

    The answer is, because of the “Sin Nature” in Man. (both Men & Women)

    Read the Word of the LORD! The Book of Life has all the answers for the problems of man.

  9. “You should spend at least a couple of years observing your mate’s character in a multitude of contexts in order to determine if they have true Christian values or are just talking the talk.”

    I agree with the author and file the above statement under Common Sense and doing right RIGHT. Hebrews 13:4

    Addressing this subject in the context of “Black Church” requires an essay larger than time and space here allow. However, having been in and around Church leadership for the past 40 years there is a much higher per capita ratio of Black s****l misconduct played out by out of control Black s****l predators who are called Pastor, Minister, Rev. Preacher etc. than in other professions and ethnicities. This travesty is true because of the colored cultural gospel that is permitted and passes as moves and works of the true and living God.

    Because of the bastardized “American Christianity” that Black people inherited and handed down four chattel enslavement to now coupled with the sociological genetics of males who weren’t allowed to be men or even considered human we’ve conditioned ourselves to accept this negro norm. Much of the nasty madness in the name of Holiness is due to the fact that many os us are not mentally and emotionally well. As far as true Spiritual advisors – we are sorely lacking. Too much culture and not enough concecration. Too much style, ghetto jive and b*** S**** and not enough God sponsored spiritual content.

    Seek God and Know God for yourself.

    Jesus said, ” many will say to me I preached in your name…I did this and that in your name, and I will say to them, depart from me I never knew you.”

    I say, ” A Few Were Called and Sent – Most Just Up and Went.”

    Seek God and Know God for yourself.

    Deal with ALLL s****l Predators the same. Deal with those who use power to oppress more harshly. Deal with those who misuse the word “GOD” most harshly. Many times you will find that the 53 year old being abused by some sort of Pastor wwas first abused by some other pervert when she was 3 or 13. Dads, brothers, cousins, uncles who screw babies and Shpherds who screw sheep. How much difference is there between i****t and b*********y?

    Seek God and Know God for yourself.

    Peace is possible. Let real men arise.

    God is SPIRIT, Worship God in Spirit and in Truth.

  10. Pingback: Researchers Talk about the Reasons Pastors Might Cheat - B.W.S. San Diego

  11. I don’t know exactly why spouces cheat—–i would say because they CAN——-I overheard the female church pianist and usher plotting to get together with two married male members of my church and they made it happen—-one relationship lasted for yrs. but the other didn’t go anywhere—–they never knew i overheard their plot,– i still have a bitter taste in my mouth over the whole situation and wonder to this day why did i have to hear church folk who i believed in plotting such a evil act. i was very young. —-the flesh is WEAK!

  12. Matthew 13:30 sums it up as simply as possible but I’m not going to paraphrase it because I would that you read the entire passage in proper context. We all have decisions in this life directly affecting the eschatology of the next. Our walk is a personal walk, an individual walk suppressing the ability to blame others for our final outcome. It is not the infidelity of the pastor or our husbands or wives that dictate this truism but rather the condition we find our own filthy hearts in. Forgiveness is not the naive practice aimed at alleviating strife and discourse with others thus emboldening them to continue on in their detrimental practices, on the contrary, forgiveness is to ensure our proper placement in Matthew 13:30.


  14. Whew will u look at the time, cause its HOT UP IN HERE time to move around

  15. What ever happened to The TRUTH. STOP making excuses for Adultry.Everyone knows Right from Wrong.Marriage is a partnership.It has to be rooted in something Spiritual and Loving.Eddie Long violated teenage boys, A preacher infected some female of his church with hiv

  16. Who really cares what makes “pastors” cheat? The only reason I can come up with is because they know deep down inside that this whole religion schtick is a bunch of fertilizer. However, there is a lot of money to be made in the church so they “preach” Some “pastors” want to know if “they still got it” (eddie long), and some “pastors” do it because they are weak and not the least bit disciplined (jimmy swaggart) and some are just plain stupid. (james bakker). Most of the time it is the woman throwing the VaJayJay at the “pastor”. This sort of behavior will always be. Get used to it. As a matter of it’s about time for another one to get caught up in a scandal. It gives us something to talk about.

  17. A preacher is a human being. Adulation is addictive and people who take leadership positions on some level enjoy being dominant and admired. There are many perks. It is well understood among males particularly to be alpha dog comes with the bonus of lots and lots of s****l encounters. Women love powerful, charismatic males and they flock to them. Doesn’t matter if she is the 100th female in line either. A piece of a alpha dog male is better than a second-rate one. These women I call starf*ckers. They are everywhere, young and beautiful, plain and insecure. They all want some. Because of this, men with influence and power can cheat at will. This is why every lady should think twice about committing to such a man.

  18. These people simply do NOT know the Saviour Jesus and that is the issue. Many are in the pulpits preaching about Jesus without truly knowing him. They neither know him nor are known by him and if you pay attention to what they preach, you will realise that they are not leading people to heaven. They are not teaching holiness and preparing their congregation to meet a holy God! Ultimately, that is what Christianity is all about – one day we shall all stand before the judgement seat of Christ, who has the power to cast souls into outer darkness or into his rest. Any so called pastor who is in sin, is in a backslidden state and cannot possibly lead the congregation in a way that will please the Lord. At this point the enemy of the Lord is in operation and has taken over the church! If the pastor does not repent then you will find that other doctrine will creep in thus making the congregation covetous and seeking the things of the world rather than Christ and his kingdom. The congregation should run for their lives in order to protect their eternal destination to heaven.

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