Maria Lloyd: Black Parents, Respect Your Children

Why are black parents verbally abusive to their children?

Photography: nhophotos.com

by Maria Lloyd

We’ve all witnessed it before: A black parent screaming profanities at their children as if they’ve been possessed by a demon. It’s a scene that has become far too common for children being raised by a black parent. Of course, this is not to say every African-American parent verbally abuses their children. A blanket statement of that nature would show ignorance and a lack of research on my part. I’m fortunate to know black parents who talk to their children with the same respectful tone and vocabulary that they’d use in a professional setting. To those parents, I simply say “Thank you.”

For those of you who resort to screaming and yelling profanities at your child, I advise you to take a deep look within yourself and abolish the source of your repulsive behavior. Your abuse is a cancer that spreads from one generation to the next, fueling an anger that resides within your children for the rest of their lives. Contrary to popular belief, I believe you love your seed with all of your heart, but you’re refusing to acknowledge your problem(s) which is indicative of your behavior. Today, on behalf of your children, I am demanding that you respect them. Your behavior will cause them to face a whirlwind of problems: low self-esteem, violent behavior, abusive behavior, suicide, social defects, etc. More than likely, you are a victim of abuse yourself, so below are ways that you can change your behavior and save your children:

Dissociate from the past
There is no point lamenting about what has happened in the past. It is over. Do not deny it either. Just accept that it has happened and that you are now on the road to emotional health. You may not have exercised control over your past but you can take charge over your own future from now on. Look at the past as lessons that point out what you no longer want for yourself. A change in environment may be helpful for you to de-associate from your past.

Build self-esteem
Surrounding yourself with people who value you is an important part of the healing process. Form your own support group or join an online community that helps support its members to gain strength. It is vital that you remember what makes you a unique and valuable person.

Become empowered
Understand that you are the only person who has power over yourself. One reason why you have been subjected to emotional abuse is that you have handed your power over to your abuser. In reality, no one can make you do anything if you do not let them. Realize that only you hold the power. Look for ways to empower yourself.

Listen to your conscience
You are the only person who knows what is best for you. No one leads your life for you. Do what feels right. Trust your intuition.

Gain self-control
Focus on improving your own life. In doing this you will discover your own self-worth. You can then decide who you want to interact with.

Set boundaries and expectations
Spend time setting boundaries and expectations for treatment in future interactions with people. Commit to a decision that you do not want to enter into any unhealthy liaisons any more. If you are clear in what you want, you are more likely to attract kind people.

Take care of yourself
Find things to do that makes you feel happy. Take a class or pick up a hobby. Try to recall what it is that you have always wanted to explore. With no one telling you what to do or holding you back, the possibilities are endless.

Source: Evelyn Lim, certified NLP practitioner and life coach

Chart revealing the difference between the way white parents communicate with their children versus black parents.

What are your thoughts when you read this?

54 Responses to Maria Lloyd: Black Parents, Respect Your Children

  1. You got it wrong…you meant to say; Black children, RESPECT YOUR PARENTS and YOUR ELDERS!

    The government aka willie lynch, told y’all ‘parents’ you could not spank your children any more; they called it ‘child abuse’. Then, they said you could not scream at them any logner; they labeled that, ‘verbal abuse’, but they [the government aka willie lynch] can give YOUR CHILDRN Ritalin, guns, drugs, they can shoot, and kill our children, but all y’all wanna do is pray!

    AIN’T NO “TIME OUT” BULLSHYT PRACTICED IN THIS CASTLE!!

  2. I wish the examples could have said “Correct” and “Incorrect” instead of “Black” vs “White”.

  3. @ Derrick. Again I am right with you. The problem is not the screaming and the profanities, its the neglect. Black parents have EVERYBODY telling them the way they are raising their children is wrong ,so they do nothing. Look where that has gotten us. I can guarantee if a child does wrong, he would prefer you get in that a*s verbally as opposed to nothing. Back in the day black parents played no games at all and the black community was so much better off. Then someone comes along and tell you that way was the wrong way and look at us now. I raise mine the exact same way my grandma raised me, I don’t care what noone says and believe me they say plenty. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it

    • @Latrice:

      I remember when I got paddled at school (if I was wrong), I got spanked by our neighbor (if I was bad at their house), and spanked by relatives (when I was out of order). Today, our children are acting like caucasoid kids because of the government aka willie lynch.

      When I got home, I got that azz spanked some more! Back in the day, we had REAL NEIGHBORHOODS…WE WERE ‘NEIGHBORS’; NOT STRANGERS!!! We had a NEIGHBORHOOD, not a ghetto hood!!! We knew people on the whole side of town, not just next door, and they knew our PARENTS! THERE WERE TWO PARENTS IN THE HOME BACK THEN!!!

      “Black parents have EVERYBODY telling them the way they are raising their children is wrong ,so they do nothing.”

      EVERYBODY = caucasoids; i.e., caucasoid teachers, screachas, principals, coaches, government aka willie lynch.

      I see little cracker kids hitting their parents, in the stores, and all they tell them is: “TIME OUT SUZY” you’re not gonna play with Vido today!!! Since, the government aka willie lynch CONTROLS our children (through their racist educational system), THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS MADNESS!!!

      Our children are being dumb down, so the government aka willie lynch can continue to CONTROL them. Remember, our children spend more time in this racist school system; then at home!!!

      THIS WAS A PLAN BY THE government aka willie lynch, SO OUR CHILDREN AND SOME ADULTS WILL CONTINUE TO KISS THESE HONKEY’S AZZES!!!

      IT’S CALLED FEAR…

      Much Love & Respect!

  4. That is so true. Black parents are verbally abusive to child when yelling and screaming by using profanity. That can backfire right at you, including me. Be careful what you say and how you use your actions around them. Tell them that you love them. Hug them, and let them know that you really care. That includes me too.

  5. i grew up with a mother who felt the need to scream like a banshee at us in public. not only is it embarrassing for us all, but resentments grow from said experiences.

    now that i am older, i realize that my dear mother was on stress-mode 24/7 and raising five kids by herself was not easy for her. one thing i will say is that because of my mother, i am a smart, positive, drama-free woman who’s enjoying life, because my mother taught me to seize the day and make my life the way i want it to be.

    i can see that being a parent is not an easy job, and i can respect those who are doing what they can to raise productive and respectful children.

  6. Black women are put on the bottom of the list of all women. When she tries to better herself, black men bring her down as well as other women and then society. Fill her with babies and leave her. She is a baby herself with a baby. How can she a baby raise a baby. You can not teach what you have never learned. Generation after generaton. The cards are stacked against her. Our next generation, will be the same We know about William Lynch, now what do you know about your self. If the older ones don’t help. There will be no new onew. we will just fade away and die.

    • Bernice…..That is the TRUTH like its never been TOLD!!

    • Bernice, you are correct in your assessments. These are truths just as someone confirmed your statement. You have started the correction process by admitting there is an injustice, the next thing to do is like the article states: Turn a corner! We have to make a change or yes, we are our own demise. That is what the system of white supremacy wants to happen or have a race of substandard people they can degrade and look down to. We have to treat our children with respect and care for them even though we did not receive it ourselves. I speak from experience. I made it a point to raise soldiers that will carry on a banner of high esteem for Black people. It has to start with ourselves. I would encourage every person of color to read “The Isis Papers” by Dr. Frances Cress Welsing to understand the mechanics of the oppression of people of color. It is stated by Neeley Fuller Jr. “If you do not understand white supremacy (racism) what it is, and how it works——-everything else that you understand, will only confuse you.”

  7. It’s a different world now, but i agree parents should respect their children—–children have almost become smarter than their parents—they want what they want—- and are very manipulating. This definitely is not a BLACK OR WHITE THING,Its a PARENT thing.

  8. I could give a d**n what white people do with their children. I’m not trying to emulate them. Man you have it backwards!!

    Parents, whip that child’s a*s and train him/her to respect you and other people as the BIBLE says you should do. FATHERS – where are your children??? MOTHERS- where are your children???? When I look at the gangbangers and drive-bys down here in Memphis that’s all I can think about.

    People raise your children, TURN OFF BET and any OTHER detriment to their education and abilities.

    Families GET WITH IT or we will all pay the price!!!

    • I didn’t beat any of mine and they all came out fine…..I did not say don’t (BEAT) your kids…that is your choice but it wasn’t mine…and my parents didn’t beat me..THANKS to my FATHER MOTHER and GRANDS for being WONDERFUL and RESPECTFUL without the ROD!……IT might be good to turn the white mans TV off completely ,otherwise some emulating is gonna happen……..PEACE!!!!!

  9. Finally someone tells the truth about these bad parents. I use to be verbally and physically abused by both of my sorry a*s parents. And on top of that i was bullied in school. Because the girl that was bulling me which was my cousin her brother molested me when I was 12 years old. But they didn’t blame him, they blame my 12 year old a*s. I tried to commit suicide not once but twice. I would say by the grace of God both of the guns did not go off. But I ask where was God when I was molested. Since he so f*****g good. But whatever, I see now why these kids don’t go to church because the black community uses Jesus as a crutch. And you ask people to tithe and give but their situation is not any better. But the pastor has a new car every year while you are still struggling. My father no he was not a father, I call him SON OF A b***h and my mother OLD b***h!!! Well SOB is dead, and Old b***h is still living. She also played FAVORITES!! But her favorite daughter is dead. She was looking at me to take care of her. sorry NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!! YOU WERE NOT THERE FOR ME AS A MOTHER WHEN I WAS MOLESTED!!! WHAT THE f**k YOU THINK I’M GOING TO BE THERE FOR YOU NOW YOU ARE OLD!!! AND SHE NEVER SAID I’M SORRY I WASN’T THERE FOR YOU, WHEN YOU NEEDED ME! MAYBE I WOULD HAVE FORGIVEN HER,BUT NO SHE IS MRS. CHRISTIAN (SHE NEVER DOES ANYTHING WRONG, I AM ALWAYS RIGHT)!! THAT IS WHY SHE IS OLD AND ALONE!!! I WILL NEVER HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER. SHE IS DEAD TO ME!!

  10. You should go see a counselor.you have a lot of pain,that needs to be fixed.

  11. I bet
    Adam Lanza and Jeffrey Dahmer and numerous other parents of these killers didn’t curse out their kids and look how good they turned out!!

  12. hmm my mother raised 7 kids in the south side of chicago and west baltimore,she ruled with a iron fist and we thank her all the time.no dropouts, drug addicts, teenage moms, drunks or jailbirds and 3 college grads.if you were wrong or failing in school,you got dealt with.you better not let her find out you could not read,when she got done with you, you would get your act together. look at the last two generations of bums, crooks and strippers,we got folks think those are valid career choices.it was a mark of shame to have a jailbird son or a ho daughter not anymore! babying these guys making them think everybody going to let them slide like momma did.

  13. I can agree that we shouldnt excessively chastise our children, nor should we curse in front of them but a good stern talking and a adequately generous beatin’ should be given when our children misbehave.
    I’m afraid to say unfortunately that the old slavery psychosis is still with us today day and as a result of this things have gotten worse within our community particularly when it comes to this subject.
    Not to make any excuses for today’s black adult but just like our parents we may be balancing a few jobs and/or maybe we have a demanding career that we get carried away with by focusing more of our time and attention into rather than spending quality time with our children.
    Due to the constraints of our own domestic economies, dictated to by our jobs, we allow ourselves to be stressed out and alternatively we take out our frustration on to the little ones.

    We sometimes wonder that if we lost our jobs what would we do?
    This kind of thinking is premised on fear and we must be cognizant to the fact that our fear is the destructive factor in our children’s lives and in our relationships with each other.

    Fundamentally it is the children who suffer in the long run however we ourselves as parents architects of our own demise and failure in the long run.

    We were more considerate as a people back in the day and yes, there was a sense of community back then but society in general has been highly been manipulated since then an as usual we have felt the blow of societal break-down the harder than any other group in America.

    Now, the MTV, VH1, crazy tv shows & movies rear our children because we can’t find the time to appropriately love them and monitor their behaviour…and we wonder why we our suffering today??

  14. It’s not a funny matter, but those statements between white and black are very true. I do consider my kids feelings and I definitely apologize if I am wrong. I want them to learn that its nothing wrong with being wrong or last. I do talk to my kids about EVERYTHING. I would rather for them to come to me and feel comfortable with asking any type of question. I also tell them to not lie and if they tell me the truth they won’t get into trouble (pending the severity of their actions) to reassure them that being honest keeps them from keeping up with a string of lies.

    I don’t whoop my children like that. What works for me is to take their things away from them and give them hard labor for a week. They are cleaning, writing 100 times, sitting in their room on their bed with NOTHING to do. I also make them explain why they are getting in trouble, punished or even a whooping when it is called for; so they will understand their mistakes and fix them so that they won’t keep repeating the same c**p.

    I do know alot of women who cuss at their children, as a matter of fact my husband and I are always back and forth with that because he cusses at them. He was bought up with “no nonsense” parents who did it all yell, curse, “beat” him and so forth. I grew up in a home where I didn’t get punished alot nor whoopings. So our techniques are different.

    I definitely believe that screaming and cussing at them will have an adverse affect on the kids growing up. Because habits are passed from one generation to the next.

    We are always dwelling on the struggle the negativity, what’s not going right instead on the positive, the future and changing our situation for the better.

  15. I am so glad to see someone FINALLY addressing this issue. I am a 34 year old single mother of a 7 year old boy and there have been times out of sheer frustration I’ve unleashed a tirade of verbal abuse his way. I have been brought to tears thinking back to the hurt look in his eyes afterwards. Yes a child’s defiance can make you angry but as parents we must find more conscientious and loving ways to effectively discipline our children without resorting to what has culturally been acceptable for far too long.

    • Joy that’s awesome that u recognize the pain and hurt…I grew up with several boys who did not have fathers in the home….the only three friends who really nosedived all were abandoned by their moms… Saying hurtful things is a willfully form of abandonment….fear is what drives those painfully outburst…

  16. better you do it than the white man

  17. There are many black parents who do not do that. There are some white parents who do just that. So now what? I think it has something to do with education and exposure. I would not expect to see my boss do that and she is black. Well if she is black? Maybe she is gray! So what do we call it when the white parents are doing it? I guess you are indicating that black parents do it more. What do white parents do when they are not in public since they know how to play the system? Most of all you do see a number of white children years after when they are grown talking out about how mean there parents were. How about Arabs, and Chinese ans Indians from India, How are they? I feel maybe bad real bad. Especially in private. Do not believe everything you see in public sometimes you are living in the twilight zone.

  18. Pingback: We Must Parent Our Youth Not The System… | 617Live.tv

  19. Legallyblkchisis

    This article I presume was written with the best intentions. HOWEVER one thing I can not stand is the comparison to white parents. Why can’t the bad behavior be pointed out and simply addressed? Do we really need to compare ourselves to whites all the d**n time? I’ve seen some white kids that act like spawns of satan. This type if comparing and contrasting only further perpetuates the ridiculous white supremacy notion, that if it’s white it must be alright. Some black parents need parenting classes as do white, me i an and Asian. When children our born they’re not born with a handbook!!!

  20. This is great food for wisdom.

  21. Some of y’all are missing the point here. The author isn’t saying not to discipline your kids! Discipline is so important! It is vital to raising a child to be any kind of decent person. But screaming and cussing your kids out is not discipline. To discipline a child, you have to be in control. How do you expect to control your kids if you can’t control yourself? When you can’t control the way you talk to them, you are teaching them that self control isn’t important. I do not hesitate to spank my kids when they need it! But I don’t scream and cuss them out. I tell them what I expect, and if they disobey they get to deal with the consequences. I get on them, I keep them in line, and I am pretty strict. But I don’t speak to them like they are somehow less than human. White people have nothing to do with it. You don’t like them? Fine! But stop blaming all your problems on white people and take responsibility for yourself and your choices. Don’t blame your bad kids on white people. Stop being lazy by screaming and cussing them out, and actually do some parenting. Teach them by example how you expect them to behave. You can’t expect them to grow up to be decent people if you aren’t showing them how. If they need a spanking, by all means give it to them. The right way. Don’t scream and cuss at them, explain why they are getting the spanking, give it to them, and then talk to them about what they should do to avoid spanking in the future and make sure they know that you love them even though you had to spank them. It isn’t hard, and in the long run it will help you raise better kids.

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