Nomalanga: Why Black Women Don’t Need Men
By Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses
This past week, I was facilitating a discussion as an instructor in a seminar that I designed specifically for women of color. The topic of the discussion was how young women of color experience being fatherless and it was centered around a great film by Janks Morton, called ‘Dear Daddy’.
In the film, we see some of the young women, who are all roughly between the ages of 16 and 25 discuss the role of their fathers in their lives. Aside from just a few, all the girls and young women have experienced the absence of their fathers. Although I have facilitated this same discussion several times, in this particular discussion, I was struck by how some of the young women in the film and in my seminar said that they did not understand what all the fuss was about.
The young women in my seminar who said that they did not understand why other young women were crying when they spoke about how they missed and yearned for their fathers were all from single parent homes and most if not all of them were raised by a mother who had also grown up in a single parent home.
Just to be clear, I am not saying that a man has no place or role in the home. Actually, my belief is the very opposite of that notion. That being said though, let’s consider that if I had been raised in a home with no father and I was raised by a woman who came from generations of fatherless homes, maybe I would have different beliefs. What I’m asking you to think about is exactly what I had to consider while I sat in front of a group of women and heard several of them say that they did not miss their fathers or that they didn’t want them in their lives or that they did not think it was necessary to have them in their lives.
In the film, ‘Dear Daddy’, there is an author who describes a young woman that came to her and said, “I am destroying my marriage and I don’t know how to stop.” The young woman who talks about destroying her marriage is a young woman who grew up without her father so she has never seen the role of “wife” being modeled and now she is in a marriage and can’t figure out how to conduct herself in such a way as to be a good wife and partner.
Of course there are women who grow up without their fathers for various reasons and then go on to be what some might call model wives and then there are those who grow up with their fathers and a mother who modeled being a wife almost perfectly but they still end up being the wives from h**l! What I’m more concerned about is a young woman who grows up in a home without a father and then adopts the false belief that being without a father is “better” than having one or that there is something wrong with “all men”.
Sadly, I see young women who have a desire to love a man and be loved by one but they are so conflicted by what their mothers have said to them and what they have modeled for them. They have been told that they don’t need men in their lives or that if they have a man in their lives, they will always end up disappointing them. Unfortunately, the course of our lives is directed by the thoughts and beliefs we are most faithful to. And so it often turns out that what they believed turns into reality.
At the end of the day, we all have the freedom to choose what we want for our lives. My intention when I have the great responsibility of speaking into the lives of young women is generally the same. I want them to thrive and I want them to realize that they can have what they want out of life. I want them to broaden their thinking and to think bigger in terms of what is possible. Among those possibilities is a healthy, loving and functional relationship with a man.
There is a very big difference between not wanting something and saying you don’t want (or need) something because you do not believe that you can ever have it. Wanting and needing a man is no exception.
Nomalanga helps Black Women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , Assistant Professor of Professional Studies and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s blog at successfulblackwoman.com
94 Responses to Nomalanga: Why Black Women Don’t Need Men
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If young women grow up thinking that they don’t need a man in their lives,what about the young men who are brought up without a Dad? They are being taught that they are not worthy as young men and being a Dad is not important. Easy to see what a viscous cycle it can be.
Absolutely, Sherry. It is a cycle that we must be mindful enough to put an end to.
couldn’t agree with you more, such a sad cycle we have developed
it is a sad cycle, Nomolanga, but “we” didn’t develop it.
I agree “we” didn’t create it but we now have to take on the responsibility to fix it…because if we don’t no one else will.
REAL TALK! We did not create nor condone the bastardization of the Black Race. Among the Akans/Ashanti, Ewe, Igbo (and many other peoples we are known to have beedn taken from) in Africa the Father’s role is of divine importance. For example among the Akan people, the “12 spirits” (or attributes) that make up a human being are traced paternally, through an unbroken chain of fathers (even though inheritance was passed maternally). The Ewe and Igbo people reckoned their lineage paternally and distributed their inheritances paternally. Bastardization in our original African culture would be viewed as a curse and a break in the social order.
Bastardization started with slavery, stripping families apart, raping our mothers, creating the yellow baby, forcing the black woman to be a concubine, and a s****l object of the white man, emasculating the black man, and destroying the memory of our original languages and cultures. (So not only did the white man destroy our family structure and bastardize our people, he also destroyed our culture) So we end up in a situation, because we are uneducated of our cultures, we are bastardized, but we don’t understand, collectively, how damaging it is to us, and therefore we don’t fight, to preserve our fathers, like we should anyway.
But point in case, we did not, nor would we EVER condone, bastardization, we knew our ancestry paternally, like any other patriarchal people. The average black man doesn’t even know his great grandfather’s name, and we should all know why.
My suggestion to solve the problem. The black intellectuals, who understand african history, culture, and economics, need to unify and create the institutions to educate us on WHAT marriage is (from an African perspective) what is Fatherhood? what is family. We need to understand how we’ve succeeded in the past, so we can put it into practice right now
Just another way to divide the black family up.
A girl needs a father in her life, just as well as, a boy, who are growing up! They both need a FATHER and a MOTHER IN THE HOUSEHOLD!!!
I grew up with both parents, and I learned from the both of them. My Dad taught me the manly things, such as mowing, shoveling and raking the yard, washing and fixing on a car, the meaning of work, and how to save money, also, how to dress! My mother taught me how to wash clothes, clean a house, iron and cook!
When I was coming up we ALL sat at the dinner table EVERYDAY! I talked with a preacha fe-male, and she said families no longer eat at the table because that’s ‘out of style’! This blew my mind, especially coming from a fe-male preacha. I guess these screachas are only concerned with running to the bank on Monday, instead of bringing families together on sun-day!!!
Any woman, who is a woman NEEDS A MAN in her life…period!!! Those, who claim other wise are some lonely individuals.
i agree- real woman NEED a good man
derrick:
i could not agree with you more. i am reminded of the way my family raised my sibelins and i. and i am a beliver it make a difference today. to mistreat another human wheather male or female is taboo. we must live others as we love ourselves. that is something that is a part of you and i. and it will always remain. that is what makes us so happy. the world is not bad. it is the people that made it bad. what the world needs now is love, and more of it.
So much baggage!It doesn’t matter! Father. No Father! What difference does it make if the man is not projecting a positive image! I would not want the fathers some girls had! Some men make great husbands and fathers. While others should just keep it moving! 21st century and woman cannot/will use birth control/common sense. In a world where a woman can be everything, why are we still being forced into poverty with children! If he is a jerk, a baby will not fix that! You may end up raising the kids by yourself or raising him too! Father, mother, whomever! It is important to have positive/productive people in your life. Tyler Perry didn’t invent “I can do bad by myself!”
Loved your comment Uhuru!
Most of the men in my family were good fathers, I’m proud to say, but if the man is a total b**t hole, he is better out of the house.
That’s just a bit too ignorant and bitter. I call it the Oprah syndrome-I don’t need a man! That’s b.s. to the fullest. I grew up with a father and he was imperfect. However, kids are equipped to find their own way. What goes on during your process shapes you. You pull what you need and disregard the rest. God leaves no man helpless if he did than why does a child begin judgement @ 13? All children-no matter what kind of man-needs to know who they are. Someone mentioned that Black women are the culprits in many situations with absentee fathers but I have been around white folks for a long time and white women talk to their men like shyt too! No one is perfect. After raising my children alone I realized that I had no right to deny them the character that their father would’ve added. Good, bad or indifferent we all can make better decisions when we are equipped with all the necessary tools. The father is one of those tools. You picked him, you deal with him while that child is growing. In my parents’ day, women tolerated the men they loved and made due-they instantly became mothers and their husband’s indiscretions were secondary. Now, women have far too many options. They talk too much and are far too disrespectful or they can even be the man which sends the brothers packing. Women, not only Black women-all women need to choose their battles and learn when to hush. All that attitude is unnecessary. When you take a man’s b***s you should anticipate raising your children alone.
Why are you putting this on Oprah, who’s been a stable relationship with the same guy for over 30 years? While people like Charles Murray, David Brooks, William Bennett and Ralph Banks are acknowledging that while the roles of women have evolved in our society and that men need to evolve and step up their game, the Black community keeps beating Black women down instead of demanding that Black men step up. Everybody posting on this site, can name a slew of great Black women yearning for marriage and a family, and a list or Black men who a jugglig multiple women with no intention of settling down.
As for staying with raggedy, trifling men, I know a few women who’s had to have reconstructive surgery and dental work after going down that path, and some whose children are the worse for it.
Apparently you haven’t followed Steadman too closely, but he is not vision for you. Also, I would hardly call a 30 year relationship with a man that has and probably still is juggling multiple women, of which Oprah is but one, as representing a truly stable relationship. That being said, I can name as many great men that have positively influenced my life as well as great women.
Being a well educated black man with three degrees I would agree that many black men need to step up their game, but the same can be said about just as many black women. I don’t throw my daughters mother under the bus, but she was of such ilk that I chose to take her to court and gained custody of my daughter and raised her myself. I chose to break the cycle, and not allow my daughters mother to replicate herself in my seed. Nevertheless, her mother was there on the fringe attempting to inject as much negative as she could as often as she would. This had dire affects on my relationship with my daughter from time to time. I often responded to the negative input more than what was really at issue and I take full responsibility for that. So, there is plenty of blame to go around.
The point I would add to Nomalanga’s excellent commentary on the subject is that men have to improve their image and be very assertive as to how that image is treated by others. The media and their institutionalized stereotyping is a remarkable example of how a young mind already experiencing a variety of extraordinary circumstance can be influenced to perceive things incorrectly. As a result, I know young people who have negative images of both mother and/or father, and that type of development had a lot to do with what input they received from the counterpart and/or the media.
For example, a young man I once worked with therapeutically had serious issues with his mother because the majority of her friends were men rather than women. In the era in which he grew up the media more often than not portrayed black women as whores, and thus this young man came to view his mother with that mind set. After many individual and family sessions the young man discovered that his assessment of his mother was incorrect. Most of what he thought could be attributed to what he heard his father saying about his mother (stereotype reinforcement) and the way he saw black women portrayed in the media. His father and the media taught him to view black women in general a certain way, and he couldn’t have a healthy relationship with a woman until he dealt with that. He is now happily married with children, so I know the cycle can be broken. One man or woman at a time.
I’d love to read this article, but the run-on sentences and terrible writing overall prevents me from doing so. What, exactly, are the requirements for writing for this site? smh
…”What, exactly, are the requirements for writing for this site? smh…”
The English major. Too funny!!
I don’t know. However, maybe you are more suited for being a copy editor than a contributing writer. That would at least serve your ego and satisfy your need to exemplify your superior English composition skills.
And attitude.
I don’t think it’s at all about what our mothers did–well, at least, that’s not the case for me. I DID, however, grow up seeing with my own eyes the dynamic you describe–the whole idea of men being cursory to my life, at best, and useless or damaging, at worst. Fortunately, I’ve been able to reconcile that attitude with a lot of therapy and intentional relationship-building; that said, I also know there are parts of me that will not, and should not have to be adjusted in order for me and men to get along (my self-confidence and desire for equal footing in a relationship, for example). I agree that women need men in their lives, and vice versa; at the same time, I believe we seriously need to reimagine what that looks like, as it is–IMO–not in our best interest to try to force us to fit into models that no longer serve where we are as a people and society.
One of the things that black women dont want to address or acknowledge is their part in creating fatherless children. Yes, I said it.
Dont be a first wife, then have your EX re-marry. Most black women are so insecure and selfish, they encourage the black man to leave children they didn’t birth. There is a lot of this low down behavior going on. And dont let the father not have married the older children’s mother! They think that is a valid excuse to encourage the father to abandon the children.
I would love to see a study done on it. I bet as much as 40% of black children are fatherless because of low down stepmothers – low down black women!
This an awesome article, if nothing more, to just reflect on society’s views on black families and relationships. I agree that women need positive male role models in their lives. I have seen first how how damaging having a nonproductive irresponsible father/male who is in the home and having an absent father or role model. You cant buy resiliency but a lot of women/children are very resilient and make great partners in life.
Some females/males grow up without fathers causes their mothers don’t know WHO the father/s are.
My own mother pointed out a man to me when I was in my twenties. The man told me he only had one child and that was my older sister. Of course this revelation lead to pleading, apologies, forgiveness.
My mom apparently “can’t remember” particulars. Honestly, I had no issues w/ mySelf about it because I grew up in foster care (of varying households) and I had only recently met my birth mother.
I considered many people to be mothers and fathers growing up. When I became a “foster adult”, I depending on the very system that made me a foster child, and like any family, I know my system inside and out.
Following GOD’s laws puts us in a place and BEing of avoiding/discontinuing these behaviors that are anti-christ.
I’m ok with ME, it’s others who find ills, point them out, but lack solutions. Hence, the chiche, “We need to change/We need to do better/ We need to do something about our BLACK people issues.”
GOD been saying, “Be still. Know me and I will cover you.”
Everybody is seemingly too busy working, getting money. The pastors SEEMINGLY forgot to tell you the coming of the lord, Jesus Christ and heavens armies is near. The Holy Spirit has been upon us and still is, to bring us the Word of GOD in truth.
So all this pointing fingers is purposeless. Be still and know GOD. I see it this way, If you’re not Pro-GOD, you’re anti-Christ.
Wakeup. Bless
i think the point of the article was to bring light to the fact that our ppl today seem to believe fathers are not needed in our lives. up until the late 70′s close to 80% of black households were headed by a Black Man, now that number has decreased to around 20%. we used to call the “Man” the Head of the Family and we know if you destroy the Head you also destroy the body. don’t believe me take a look at the state of Black children today. i strongly urge u to view this video on utube, jus copy an paste.
http://youtu.be/ndJ1w72ZsOU
That’s man way of trying to control your life, GOD word says that it’s not good for man to be alone so he created woman, that let us know that we all need one another.
Hey everbody know that the African Man need to be getting around in Dis world, and ain’t got no time to stay around where all them screammin kids be at. A reel men need to get out in tha world and get his grove on wit many a fine gals. So all you gals kno the old sayin luv em and leeve em right,,,the gov wont let you starve esp. wit the brother in there, on top of the world…Peace out
Very sad indeed! Since you guys love Obama so much pattern life after his life with a mother and father in household with biological kids. Everybodys situation is deifferent must try hard!
How old was Obama when he got married? I think he was in his 30′s so I guess he was a virgin until in his 30′s LOL LOL That is the only way you can avoid pregnancy, or doing it with a man. Men that lay with women make babies.
Wowww! It is truly a tragic cycle.But are we truly sincere to do anything about it other than talk about it. We discussed the black family issues all over churches and U.S college campuses in the 60′s during the black movement when you guys were tots. Guys like Malcoln, Stokeley, Jamil Al Amin, Rev. Albert Cleague, Bobby Seale, Min. Farrakhan talked about the black family, male/female relationships, black identity etc. Many of them died trying to build healthy alternatives,and examining different lifestyles, religions, ways of life. WHY??? Can black people everywhere get it through their heads that slavery destroyed the black family and colonialism domesticated black people.Whether in Africa, Australia,America, Libya, Columbia-Cartagena selling s*x and humanity is inhuman and all we’re going to do is talk as long as we’re devoted to this stranger’s culture, religion, and identity. Many of us learned that years ago, but some of us keep tryin to hold on to MASSA- his way of life and remain confused as the talking head gather us around in this self perpetuating crisis. As long as we are at peace with being OREO’s,aspiring for our kids to be american IDOLS, hating truth and each other!What do we expect. The !st family and the black celebrities prove there is no future-life in the WILD, west lifestyle! Pursue it at your own risk.
thanks for the historical context, Pat. Whether slavery, mass incarceration or acute un/underemployment, the lack of functional black families is a result of the construct of global racism (white supremacy. No major problem that exists between people can be solved without first eliminating that system.
There is nothing tragic about bringing a beautiful baby into the world. ALL OF OUR LEADERS FROM JESSE JACKSON TO OBAMA CAME FROM SINGLE MOTHERS.
When the father is absent the church and her family, should rally around the mother and help.
That most very REV. Jessie Jackson he get around and got himself a LUV child 2..he do he like that stuff,,,aint no African man hate that HONEY stuff,,,it all good esp the white gals!
Slavery did destroy the black family but when slavery was over, and during reconstruction, black people didn’t sit around and mourn and wallow in the past. They dusted themselves off and MARRIED, AND STAYED MARRIED FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE AND WORKED THEIR FAMILY FARMS, AND HAD BETTER LIVES THAN WE HAVE TODAY.
The welfare system forced black men out of their homes when they enticed us to come north looking for work, and laid us off, put women and children on welfare and told the mother her check would be cut off if they caught a man living there, and we are still suffering from the results of that govt policy today.
If the black family had stayed on their independent black farm in the South, we’d have 2 parent families today.
Hi Cynthia, i have heard time after time about the welfare system destroying us, or saying that if women are caught with a man in their home, that they will be cut off. Please tell me where i can read further on this. Excuse me for my ignorance..
Pleiadian! it is definitely Spiritual!!! We were delivered into triple darkness by some of the worst, notorious oppressors man has ever known.So, do not be misled. This is not as easy and simple as it sounds. You have to study this thing.The history of it, black history is no longer trendy so a maximum effort must be accepted, really a quest to know GOD and self if one is serious. You can’t just be still…you have to know when to be still… and know when to be REAL!!! WE are approching that Great and Dreadful Day…for some who know their CREATOR it will be GREAT and for others who follow a contumacy of lusts and pettiness it will be DREADFUL. LOOK at the black family today!
Considering the advent of transexuals today, we may want to really tighten up our gender names these days. People are not what they seem, especially in urban America. So black man…woman, if you leave out the spiritual you’ll get anything. I have an acquaintance, a black republican mormon who denies that there’s anything important about being black or that experience and is raising the kids that way…before you go off, another one who a democrat in a same s*x marriage agrees on that point. Black people were warned Years ago about these times!!!
A lot of women feel they are punishing the fathers by not letting them see the children, due the fact they are no longer together or they have moved on to another another lov, but they fail the realize they are traumatizing the child for their own selfish reasons. Also women just make poor choices when it comes to partners. If you know the man has no job, lives with his mother, has other illegitament kids,what makes you think he’s gonna do right by you or the child
This is some bullshit if I have ever heard it. Black women need a Black man in their lives…period. Ladies don’t listen to this c**p…because having a man in your life makes being a woman meaningful and whole. There is nothing like the touch of a man and you are selling yourselves short if you think otherwise. Of course I am not saying that will define who you are but a relationship will enhance who you are. A man will except you, comfort you, support you, and protect you. There is security in having a man in your life. And yes there is a spiritual connection. It saddens me that Black women think it’s okay to just “be alright.” Because it’s not alright. Don’t let a good man go just because you think you’re alright without one! And this is about YOU, the woman, and not the children!!!!
There are some good men and bad men…No one is perfect. However, we really do need more Miss T’s in the world (USA).
There are too few black men. The love of my life is a white man.
TEACH!!!
AMEN!!!!
It has been my personal experience that men who leave their daughters should have daughters who are grateful.
I did all of that sappy whining about my daddy, took my sons and went all the way to Colorado to find him, and when I did, I found out what my mother already knew.
The Negro was a rapist with murderous instincts, and a s*x addict to boot.
He held a gun on me and attempted to rape me, right in front of my sons — his own two grandchildren.
If he’s gone, these women are rightly happy that they do not have him. Some mothers know why these men leave or abandon their kids and don’t tell them.
Had my mother told me he was a drunk, a druggie, and an abuser and pistol-toting rapist, I’d have never gone there. I ended up having to find about about that all on my own.
If these men are like these, these daughters need to be WARNED before they go sap and “dewy-eyed” after something they had no business even being fathered by.
Tell it Renegade. In the old days women were forced to stay with a nasty man like that just to eat. Thank God we dont have to today.
Very sad. He should be in jail. However, this is one case.
That is a horrific story Reneegede and thank you for sharing what must have been a very painful time for you. However, I agree with Dread we cannot function off a negative. We must agree that even when necessary a family without a Male figure represents a major handicap. We have to do better. Black men and women need to have a national sit down — among JUST US — to hash out these issues. We will not have the foundation we need to raise our seeds to be strong until we do.
The notion that men are not needed is extremely feminist and euroocentric. Not sure to what degree influence of white feminist mentality and ideology has engendered this thought among black women but there is most definitely a link. The destruction of the black family comes off the heels of this type of pathological thinking. We are literally out of our African minds when we adopt these absurd ideas. This most definitely must be aggressively addressed.
Sometimes I really believe the one man, one wife, should be done away with. It is proven not to work with high divorce rates. In the earliest days of the bible, men had more than one wife, and it worked.
Even the lower animals like lions, etc., have one male over a pride of females.
Indeed Cynthia excellent point! our dogged adherence to the family structures and cultural paradigms of white people is a major cause of the problems confronting us as a people.
And as such…if he does have multiple wives, then he should be able to provide for them…and not have each of then collect a welfare check while he sits on his a*s eatin’, scratchin’and pointin’!
Of course Miss T. Polygamy is not a refuge for no good men. In fact given the socialization and backwardness of white society few men have the maturity or sensitivity to function in such an arrangement. We would have to relearn and once again become immersed in OUR culture to effectively return to this family structure.
@Miss T:
You’re HARDER than german geometry!!!
d**n! THAT’S COLD!
What about the fe-males, who gap their legs open for these s***n shooters? Shouldn’t they have some responsibility for sleeping with low-lifes or are they LOW TOO?
Come on now; it’s a two way street out here! A lot of these fe-males lay on their back to get that check [negroids and caucasoids], so ALL bases are covered
There are some no good a*s heffas out here, too! You got male ‘ho’s and fe-male ‘ho’s.
CHECK!
Come on Derrick can I get a little more credit than that. I was just responding to the thread. Yes, there are plenty of no good women out there…but you know why a ho is a ho…because nobody taught her what it means to be a woman, a lady. All she knows is that her value is what’s in between her legs and that’s how you get a man, keep a man and get that money…and it feels good. What’s the saying…”you’re sitting on your gold mine.” But little do these women know, and it is so unfortunate, that by doing just what comes naturally, she will draw all kinds of good qualities from a man, the best of him…and yes vice versa. h**l I even surprised myself from time to time just by exuding femininity. But it is hard, especially when you are a single mother. You do become bitter; your body becomes a bargaining chip. There are conditions to everything from being his property, which many women confuse as love, to the gateway to whether he is a father or not. Girls learn early on the powers of her femininity that will get her what she wants from her daddy and he will romance her and tell her how pretty she is…her SELF worth. And that’s what’s missing…these woman are hard, man. And these young girls are in a crisis. There is no doubt in my mind that if we can get to these young ladies, the young men will follow. ..the natural order of things.
Oh Check mate!!!! LOL!
@Miss T:
We straight, but not ALL Black men scratch where they don’t itch; ya dig?
I feel what you’re saying, but the Black woman has been used, abused and ridiculed for so long, she don’t know where to turn. The same can be said of the mighty Black man.
The Black woman thought the feminist movement was gonna help her, but it just helped caucasoid fe-males! Every thang we do, caucasoids take advantage of it! These caucasoid fe-males took advantage of AA, the civil rights bill, the feminist movement, while Black women were left on the side lines.
All of those organizations I mentioned helped over 80% of caucasoid fe-males, especially Affirmative Action. Most caucasoid fe-males received more grant money, business start up money, and promotions under AA, but Black women were left with NOTHING!
BLACK MEN AND WOMEN MUST UNITE AND ORGANIZE to fight this enemy because these serpents don’t give a d**n about us…never have and NEVER will.
WE’RE ON THE SAME CHAPTER, MY SISTER!!! I JUST LIKE TO BRAINWSTORM WITH YOU SOMETIME.
Much Love & Respect
By the way…YOU’RE CAPTURED!!!
BINGO!
Thank you Brother…again I was just responding to the post about multiple wives when you know the Black men and any man for that matter would just looking at this as an opportunity for endless tail and license. Never-the-less, I love my Black men, I am surrounded by Black men (my fathers, sons, and nephews) that I love, honor and respect. I have been an activist probably since birth, because my mother would pull my arm telling “come on, we can’t sit over there” and I didn’t understand the logic when there were seats and I’d pull her anyway. Also I definitely wouldn’t be able to come as far as I have with the results that I’ve had through the years without just knowing but understanding OURSTORY. I, in no way, condemn our men, but I am frustrated that we are at this impasse with our own people. I am more frustrated with these “mis-educated” Black people that have chosen to take their education, influence, and position and not looked back. My purpose, whether I realized it or not, in life has always been our “uplift” and getting our people to know how rich our heritage, traditions and culture is, how rich we are as Black people, and how great we are…and we are to be revered. My Associates and Bachelor degrees are in Business Law and my Masters is in Public Administration, most people don’t even know…because I am a straight-up “round-the-way-girl” that will continue as long as, I have breath in my body, to fight for my people, our rights, and our freedoms.
*father
“collect a welfare check while he sits on his a*s eatin’, scratchin’and pointin’!” So true, in the early eighties a brother from Sudan explained why four wives were allowed in his country. He had two. Long truth short: Women are born stronger (Therefore rate of reaching adulthood was greater.), they on a regular did not fight in tribal wars (You are killed war), and they did not partake in hunting wild animals… Sometimes what you are hunting may turn around and hunt you (You may not make it home here). A brother with more than one wife is a very skillful hunter and can build a strong hut (home). Each wife gets her own hut. I totally agree with Miss T. You have to be able to provide for them and all your children.
no young lady wants tobe told that her mothers views of men are the problem with her ability/inability to have a healthy relationship even if its the truth. frustration causes one to default and not move forward they don’t like tobe called out as uncompromising, at times we live what we’ve learned!
It is clear to me by the choices of men that women make that they do need a man in their life. I have made it a point to hug and kiss my daughter “every” day and tell her I love her. That way she doesn’t go out seeking it from some knuckle head. How else do you explain women having these kids by men that are obviously not men that you wish to have them by. Women that say they didn’t need a father only say that because most of them didn’t have a father. Also, many of their mothers made bad choices in men so they tell their daughters that men are no good and they don’t need them. It’s a sad situation and a sad cycle.
Bernard you bring up another extremely important point. We (men & women) have a tendency to NOT want fathers to show their daughters affection and to sexualize any type of physical contact between them. This is a great mistake. Young girls crave the attention and affection of their fathers and if they don’t get it from them there are surely scores of strange men that will provide it…we literally drive our young girls into the arms of men. This has to stop!
Nothing but Truth!
It’s not ALWAYS the man’s fault. You have some evil wicked fe-males, who use the child, as a stumbling block to keep them from seeing their fathers.
The fathers get mad and say; I ain’t going thru this, and ends up not communicating with the child. This is what causes the break-up between the child and the father…indirectly the mother is the reason for this separation.
Keep doing your fatherly deed with your daughter. It will pay off in the long run. Some of these children are looking for love (in the wrong places) because they did not receive it at home. That’s why I say a child needs a FATHER and a MOTHER in the home!
CHECK!
So so true!
A lie. You write like we are aliens. We want to be with a companion like anyone. Is daddy missed h**l yes… Will we have some issue with daddy not being there yes do we Want a man yes but we are not crying like most.
The high divorce rate is not because of and/or has nothing to do with marrying only one person. It has to do with people making the wrong choices, and then refusing to accept responsibility for the wrong choices they make once the negative results start to show up. The other reason for the high divorce rate is because today people have too many choices, not realizing or not caring to realize that just because something is possible that does not mean that you have to do it. There are people marrying folks becuase of money, looks, are deciding to marry folks of the same s*x, all of which are wrong, yet a lot people commit to such things just because such things exist. You also have folks hooking up through the internet and believe that just because they have been talking to the other person via the internet for along time (without even actually seeing or spending real time with that person, in-person) that somehow that must mean they know the person.
Also, no one is dating anymore, and if they are dating they are dating incorrectly. Dating is not for s*x, yet we live in a society that has been telling people of all races that it is ok to have s*x when you are dating or that s*x is part of the dating stage/process, when it is not. The purpose of dating is to get to know the person you are dating. Unfortunately, people are not taking the time to know each other because they are impatient (not wanting to take the time to properly vet the person you are dating) and/or they lack self- control (they are not refusing to have s*x). Because of this, people jump into the sack with each other, not realizing that when you have s*x you become emotionally involved with the person you are having s*x with, thus becoming emotionally involved with a person who actually cares nothing for you because the choice was made by the other person fornicate (having s*x outside of marriage).
This is one of many reasons why the Bible clearly states that we are to “abstain from fornication” (I Thesslonians chapter 4 verse 3). However, because we live in a society that has people believing that it is ok to have s*x when you are not married and that teenagers having s*x is normal, what you have now are folks becoming connected emotionally to the wrong people. s*x is only for the man and woman who are married to each other. With that said, s*x is the physical manifestation of the love that the husband has for his wife and of the love that the wife has for her husband. When people fornicate (having s*x when they are not married) they make themselves equivalent to animals, thus removing themselves from that higher level (which is above all of God’s creations on Earth) that God (Jesus Christ) has placed human beings on.
Even though there were people in the Bible that had more than one wife, it is important to note that there are several things that the Lord did away with after/through His death and ressurrection; and having more than one wife was one of them, as well as the slaugtering of animals for the atonement of sins, etc. The Bible clearly states in I Timothy chapter 3 verse 2, that… “A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach.”
To be BLAMELESS means to be mature and having good reputaion, which also includes being faithful to his wife. THE HUSBAND OF ONE WIFE is just what it says. VIGILANT in this verse means having self-control and rejecting fleshly (sinful) passions and sensual appetites. SOBER here means to be of sound mind (clear-headed) and possessing good judgement; also knowing when to be serious and knowing what needs to be taken seriously), thus not given into frivolous dispositions/behaviors. GOOD BEHAVIOR in this verse means orderly in life, orderly in habits, and orderly in work. GIVEN TO HOSPITALITY represents receiving strangers and treating guests generously. APT TO TEACH means he is to be skilled/able and ready to teach whatever must/needs to be taught by him, but also being an example of true manhood and showing what it means to be a godly decent human being to his children (sons and daughters), which includes being truely sorry for whatever wrong(s) he may make, thus having the children to grow up in the same respectable way/manner. Also being able to teach Scripture.
This verse (I Timothy chapter 3 verse 2) is two-fold, and look at the similarity between each fold. While the verse is talking about the office of the bishop as it pertains to caring for the Church, it is also talking about the man (the husband) caring for his household, which is his wife and children (verse 4). The husband is a bishop in his own house the same way an actual bishop is a bishop in a church because while the bishop is to love the church (its members) and be responsible for/to the church, the husband is to love and be responsible to and for his wife and children. It is the bishop that spiritually covers the members of the church with HIS PARTICULAR anointing (and the anointing does not belong to man it belongs to God) that God placed within him when he was born; and so it is the huband who covers his wife in this same spiritual way, but he also covers her naturally (this is why some men when walking with their wife or girlfriend will walk on the side that is closer to the street, or place his arm around her whenever they are out in public). It is a form/way of protecting or covering her. This is natural for men to do, but again we live in a society that wants people to believe the opposite and want there to be no defining roles between the man and woman, when God clearly gave each gender their own specific/defining roles (and unfortunately too many people do believe society, which is the reason why people of every race are going through this same mess).
I would also like to note that the wife is a true significant half of the marriage. The husband is the engine of the marriage while the wife is the lubricant or oil to the engine. A car will break down if there is no oil in the engine and if there is no oil in the transmission. Like the oil in a car, the wife causes things to run smoothly. She is the backbone of her husband and part of her role is to build up her husband (the engine or strong horse) through prayer and compliments. This is what submitting to the husband means. It also means respecting him and supporting him and backing him up, as he is supposed to do the same for/to his wife(Proverbs chapter 31). Not being a slave which is what society wants you to believe.
Also, the following verse (I Timothy chapter 3 verse 3) reads that the husband is…”Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, nor covetous.”
I would suggest that people read I Timothy chapter 3. It talks about how the husband is supposed to be a husband, and how the wife is supposed to be a wife (I Timothy chapter 3 verse 11). In addition, Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22-33 teaches on marriage and how marriage is suppose to be symbolic of the church, while chapter 6 of Ephesians starts off concerning the behavior and attitude of children, and raising children.
With that said, this is why the husband is suppose to love his wife as Christ) also loved the church, and gave Himself for it (Ephesians Chapter 5 verse 25).
Because of the afformentioned bad “reasons” as to why some people are getting married, these same people (which are large in number) make up a good portion of the high divorce rate. The Bible clearly states that God is love. While you have people who want the substance (love, and falling in love), many of the them don’t want to go to the source/the person (Jesus Christ) who it comes from, to get it.
There is a saying…”insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again, and expecting a different result.” Why not just stop doing the same thing(s) which is producing the negative result(s) you don’t want, and do the different thing, which is you trying Jesus Christ so that you can achieve that which you do want and need. It definitely cannot hurt.
Therefore, if you choose Jesus Christ say this prayer…Lord Jesus, I repent of my ways. Forgive me of all my sins. I believe you died for me, shed your holy blood, and resurrected 3 days later, and You now sit at the right hand of God the Father. Wash me in Your blood. Be the head of my life, and come into my heart. I accept you into my heart as my Lord and Personal Savior. In Jesus Name, Amen (Romans chapt 10 verse 9).
According to the prayer you just prayed where is Jesus? If you answered in your heart, know that it is written that “…greater is He (Jesus Christ) that is in you, than he (the devil) that is in the world” (I John chapt 4 verse 4). Now, when you pray, end your prayers like this…”In Jesus Name, Amen” (John chapter 14 verses 13 and 14), and watch God move for you. Just pray to God. Jesus loves you, and so do I. God bless you.
“For the Sripture sayeth, Whosoever believeth on Him (Jesus Christ) shall not be ashamed” (Romans chapter 10 verse 11).
“…Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee” (Jeremiah chapter 31 verse 3).
@sure thing:
Can a woman call ‘jesus’ when she’s rockin and reelin’ and getting that feelin’? h**l NAW!
This ‘jesus’ can’t lay no pipe, can he? So get outta here with that prayer bullshyt, a woman need some love, just like a man; not no d**n ‘jesus’!!!
GET REAL WIT IT!!!
I am not surprised. Nevertheless, when the answer is given to correct the problems that exist in black relationships (also for all relationships, but I say black relationship because that is what the topic is about), you, like so many other black folks (and folks of other races) reject it. You have proven my point by doing this, because your response clearly shows that you choose to commit to the same action(s), which has produced and will continue to produce a negative result, yet expect to get a different result. Isn’t this the definition of insanity?
Also, God is love (I John chapter 4 verse 8), therefore how can a person know what true love is if they refuse to go to the source (Jesus Christ) to truly understand what it is? So basically what you are sayig is that you agree with what I had posted yesterday, but just don’t want me to mention Jesus Christ; because in your post the only “thing” (well, in this case, person) you seem to disagree with in my post is the mentioning of Jesus Christ. This makes no sense.
You say a black woman needs love and so do black men, of course we do. We all know this. The question is how do people actually get it and maintain it once thay have gotten it? If you read my post you would have noticed that I mentioned that near the bottom. However, again, because God is love (I John chapter 4 verse 8), how then can people truly understand love and know what it is if they don’t go to the source from which it comes? How can they undertsand love when they may have little or no knowlege of God since He is love?
You only make statements yet have given the people no real answers/remedies to end the problems that exist in black relationships and the community (but also for every race). The answer is Jesus Christ. However, what you have given in your post to me are insults and curses. This makes no sense.
Here you have people trying to figure out how to solve these problems in black relationships, and some have tried many different things in solving the problems, only to find out that an “answer” other than Jesus Christ does not work. Now when the real answer, which is Jesus Christ is given, people like you turn away (which you have shown in your post to me), and you turn away for no reason at all. Why give everything else a try, but not Him? The answer is given to you and you refuse to accept it. With that said, you really are not looking for an answer for these problems. How is it that people can say that Jesus Christ is not answer when they have not even tried the Lord? Isn’t that ignorance?
If people are REALLY honest with themselves and are REALLY looking for the solution to such problems, then they would ACTUALLY listen and give the Lord an HONEST try. Why insult if you do not understand? This makes no sense.
It is not about whether they need a man. They should need a good man. They shouldn’t need a lousy man. We got this all twisted around as black people. There are too many black women who wants a no good man. (For that case, a lot of non black women have this disease too.)They have not grown up properly to need the right man. They burn their primes years out being with the no good bastards. And when they are washed up, and no man wants them. Then they think it is time to get a good man. Wrong: He can see they are dogged out. He will never want you. Or he is probably with some other woman. That is the real story behind that.
Greg,
Bingo!!! That’s why I say sistas have to take control. They have it and don’t know it. You have to be real with yourself though and stop allowing society and other manless women to dictate what you should be looking for in a man. All you have to do is look at Michelle Obama as an example. Barack didn’t have anything when she met him ;infact, he was working under her from what I understand. He drove a car that she could see the ground through the floor board of the car, but she saw potential. That’s why she is with the president of the United States. She didn’t let her Black collegue sisters tell her to ditch him and go out and marry some guy her equal at the time. she made her own decisions and it’s paid off. How many sisters do any of us know now that date men with potential? I don’t know any but I do know some that date men that don’t want anything and the spoon feed them for the better part of their prime years or they spend those years looking for some guy that is 6’4, driving a benz and is making 6 figures and hung like a mule when they are driving a hootie, fat as h**l…and working as a CSR somewhere making 12 bucks an hour. My point is women are just as shallow as men have been made out to be if not more. They are also very unrealistic. What makes any of you think that some man has built his life well only to marry some woman that will tear it down in months or a few years. The point is get someone you can invest in and he in you. There is no lottery in men. You get with one and build life together. The other thing is be realistic. If you want a man to date you and not try to take advantage of you…then you do the same. What that means is this. If you want him to date and not have s*x, then you not have s*x and pay for your own meals and movies. You can’t expect him to act like a husband if you aren’t going to act like a wife. I know the some like to throw the bible out and say that we shouldn’t have s*x before marriage and that’s all well and fine. I don’t remember reading either it’s man’s job to pay a woman’s bills or even for food and movies while dating. All that nonsense is basically tradition. Times are hard now. No man has time to be investing in some woman that isn’t investing back. If all you are doing is taking taking taking….men are clearly going the other way and despite what you all think, I know many brothers that are opting for lesser attractive women that are bringing something to the table as opposed to women that are just cute but have nothing but spending a man’s money on their mind. I have plenty of friends that don’t date anything but middle aged women that have their stuff together and If I were single, I promise you I’d be doing the same. What I say here I say from experience…not a script. I had nothing and my wife had nothing and like Michelle…my wife had to see potential. I drove a car that you could hear the brakes a block away and it was easily 13 to 15 years old. we aren’t millionaires by any means but she knows these basic things. As long as I’m living, it will never rain on her head and no one will ever ever screw with her. We’ve been together 22 years and married 18. We never “lived” together. I didn’t believe in that nonsense. What’s mine is hers and vice versa. We have two accounts. A savings and a checking. I don’t go for this my money your money nonsense. If I’m going to do that, I’d just get a male roomate and split the rent and see as many women as possible. So once women get some serious standards and not all this glorified nonesense, you’ll see your taste in men change and your success rate will improve. Despite what women may think, good men are all over the place, stop stepping over them to get to trifling men.
Bernard
Bernard, now that is some REAL TALK… most women won’t give a man a chance to get a word in edgewise and listen long enough to understand what it is to recognize a good man, much less get and keep one. Thanks for the post because it needed to be said without being…cut off!
Miss T,
I see it all the time. I’m not coming down on sisters persay. I’m just telling the other side of the story. When the numbers state that 70 percent of Black women aren’t married, to me that says that there is a problem if no one else has that kind of rate. When I see or hear women talk about men, they want to know what kind of money they have, where do they work etc…but they never stop to think of why should the men that provide well should want them? Again, men now days are looking for a woman that can and will support him as well as he does her. I’m here to tell you from experience that when you support a man the way he should, he “will” give you the world despite what has been said. If you show me a woman that says her man didn’t support her, I’ll show you a woman that either didn’t support her husband or she made a very bad choice in a man to begin while stepping over several men that would have given them the world only if they had fit the delusional fantacys of women. I’ll say it again….Search for Michelle Obama’s story about her meeting Barack and then ask yourself how many women do you know that have or would have done what Michelle did…not knowing the man was gonna be President. I’ll also go on record and say this. He would not be President if it weren’t for Michelle. Black men catch all kinds of h**l every day from different angles and he certainly couldn’t have achieved what he has if she wasn’t there to support him and make him feel like he could succeed. That is important ladies. You have to use good judgement now. I’m not talking about taking a 47 year old man and supporting him wanting to be a rap artist. I’m talking about supporting a man that has a vision and you be open minded enough to see it with him and get in the trenches and allow him to lead you. I know that sounds old fashion but let me give you just a small example. When I met my wife, we were in college. I’d go out mow yards and that’s how I made my money. I didn’t have a job punching in for the man. Made more money mowing yards. She would go out with me and run the weedeater…and “never” I mean “never” asked…”where is my cut”. Now that sounds crazy to most sisters I’m sure. The thing is though I’d always take her out and we ate well and we kicked it every weekend. Well about a couple of years into the relationship, she needed a car because she had wrecked hers. Here I was a man that had vowed I’d never allow a woman to drive my cars(22 at the time), but I remembered what she had done. So I went out and purchased another car and allowed her to drive my other car. This was not my responsibility. We eventually graduated and we were married. She was an LPN. She was complaining about how she was over worked because the CNA didn’t do anything and the RN didn’t so all of it got dumped on her. So without blinking an eye…I said well…quite and go back to RN school….she did and it was all on me to take care of her…our daughter and she got pregnant with our son while in RN school. Even after graduation, I never allowed her to put up with nonesense while I did put up with a great deal…because I felt as a man she shouldn’t ever put up with it but it is my job to deal with it. Now here in the last 3 or 4 years…I have been in and out of work(IT professional). Fellas…she has never and I mean never walked in here and asked me when was I going to get a job. Keep in mind, I never stopped mowing yards.
So it was not like I was doing totally nothing. I said all of that to say this. People are dead wrong when they say a relationship is 50/50. It’s hardly ever 50/50. It’s 90/10…60/40 and sometimes it’s 100/0 and in the end….it will probably even out…but you have to be willing to go through the 10/90(where you give the 90) to get to enjoy some of the 40/60(you giving the 40). Right now…all I hear from men and women is “I want a man/woman that is bringing the 80 and I can bring the 20 and that is one big reason you see very few relationships lasts more than 5 years. at some point in those first 5 years, someone’s share goes up to 70 or 80 and they think they can find someone else that can provide 50. Had they stayed with the person they were originally with…they would have reaped the benefits of 80 from their partner at some point. Just a little something to make you say….hmmmmmmm as Arsenio use to say. 
@Bernard. That, sir, was well said. I agree with you. Thank you, sir.
This society wants us to think that having no father in the home or in our lives is OK. This is another way to reduce/eliminate our numbers. Think about it: we’ve never been able to rise above 12% of the population, despite our gains and our ability to reproduce like rabbits.
Mothers nor fathers are perfect. They both make mistakes, and until 1960, 80% of black children had their father AND mother at home, but these numbers have dwindled to only 30%.
Now, many of us say that it’s OK and look at what that’s resulting in: fatherless homes, increased numbers of men AND women in prison, more welfare-bound homes, ETC. Fathers do bring much to the table, and it’s due time we recognize that.
A father is a stabilizing force in the home, and is the first love for girls, preventing many of them from falling for the wrong men, which so many of them do nowadays. He is the template for the son, educating him in the exactly how to be a man, which is a lost art.
@Dollars Doug: “Think about it: we’ve never been able to rise above 12% of the population, despite our gains and our ability to reproduce like rabbits.”
——————————————————
The Black population of the unuted snakes in 1860 was 14.1%.
Now, how can we be only 12% of the population today, and was 14% back in 1860? WE ARE NOT BEING COUNTED AND WE ARE MORE THAN 13%, I will put it; at apppox 30% and GROWING!!! We are 90% of the world population; while caucasoids are only 10%!!!
There are appox 40 million Black amerikkkans [white boy figures] on the eve of the 2010 census. We are 12.3 percent of the u.s. population, today; down from 14.8 percent of the population in 2000.
Check out the percentage in 1860 and compare it to 2010…we are being DECEIVED once again!
You know what’s up!!!
We need each other all the time. Black women was present during the slave trade and after it. Loving and respecting each other are true components of a family. Let’s not forget that we received the wrong teaching about family, women and men. We need a NEW teaching and we can move ahead. We need each other as human being , that is what makes the world go around. Peace !
Wow I had a lot to say but miss t, my guy Derrick and Bernard said it all!! One point, when did this hatred for each other start? The crack era? Oprah? NWA? Or did the white owned media outlets start in the 80s showing black folks in an animalistic light? Can a anthropology major chime in? My mom went to an anthropology lecture and she said the Prof called it ” p***s Envy” from the white male to always show the black man as a savage. Go figure.. Osiris Rise!!!
You know you’re a negro when…you practice and claim the same habits, customs and culture of the people that took a whip to your back and raped and sodomized your family members. So now the Negro wanna be an American. The Negro has no shame and as a matter of fact, the Negro has no testicles!
========================================================
The bottom line is this; negroids have NO b***s! This SELF-HATRED started when the caucasoids KILLED or INCARCERATED our TRUE LEADERS and REBELS! This weakened Black people, and today we can see what integration and re-ligion has done to the negro…it WEAKEND them.
The professor said it right, when he called it, “p***s Envy”. During our FORCED enslavement, the slave cracker would CUT THE p***s AND TESTICLES off the Black man; while he was hanging from a tree! His whorish wife would take the body parts home for soveigners! She would freeze it; then use it for her s****l pleasure; henceforth, the birth of the Black d***o!!!
Not only do caucasoid males HATE our body parts, they also HATE themselves! The only power they have is the GUN and the BULLET; now they are ‘killing’ us at the BALLOT!!! We are being SHOT down and HUNG; not by a rope, but by PAPER! When these pigs take us to jail…they WRITE us up at the jail/prison/p***s system. When they pull us over…they WRITE us a traffic ticket. When we try to caste our votes…they try to WRITE us off from voting! GET THE PICTURE?
Our leadership has weakened over the years, and it is getting worse. Jesse and Sharpton can’t do it alone! They’ve had their time, and it’s time for some NEW LEADERSHIP…NOW! Once you start working on the caucasoid’s plantation [job], he CONTROLS you. He tells you what time to come to work; what time to go to the restroom; what time to take a break, go to lunch, and what time to leave. Sharpton is on the caucasoid’s plantation, and he can only say, so much, or he’s outta there! By the way…who pays Sharpton and Jesse…the government! DO THE MATH
The ONLY thang they are doing is still marching, singing, and praying when these crackers kill our youth! You NEVER hear them tell us to BOYCOTT! NEVER! Boycotting is POWER! We can only hurt these ‘strangers’ in their pockets! It’s time for Sharpton to take another STRONG brother or sister, under his wings and ‘SKOOL’ them. He is on the radio 7 days a week! How can he fight these struggles, we are having being on the air ALL the time? Is it greed or is it for show?
Our so-called leaders are nothing, but paid slaves! Look at the CBC and the NAACP and the other so-called Black un-organizations; they are not doing a d**n thang to help us Black folks!!! NOTHING!!! Why? Because they are paid by the government!!! Everytime they talk about civil rights; they ALWAYS include hispanics. But, do these hispanics INCLUDE us when they’re treated with disrespect from caucasoids? h**l NAW! We can’t love another, until we start loving EACH OTHER!!!
Let’s take this site for example…whenever a Black person SPEAKS UP AND SPEAKS OUT WITH TRUTH, he is labeled a ‘racist’ by negroids and caucaosids. Twenty years ago, the ONLY racists were klanners, rednecks, hillbillies, and the jim crow racists.
Today, negroids have ACCEPTED being called ‘racists’ because THEY DON’T KNOW they’re True OURstory, knowledge of self, or the True racist…who are caucasoids!!! They even allow these caucasoids to call them ‘minorITIES’. In other words, the caucasoid is still ABOVE them, and treats them like a child!!! THIS IS WHAT NEGROIDS ACCEPT…not True Black people; there is a difference!
The ONLY way we will gain our land, freedom, dignity, and PRIDE back is to SEPARATE! IT’S THE ONLY WAY!!! Why keep voting, integrating and supporting a group of violent people, who HATE us, but LOVE our money?
THE LAWS THEY WRITE ON PAPER ARE MADE FOR THEM…NOT US!!!
“He, who controls the pen; controls your future, and your mind.”
“The media’s the most powerful entity on earth. They have the power to make the innocent guilty and to make the guilty innocent, and that’s power. Because they control the minds of the masses.”
-Malcolm X
Imhotep = the Black Afrikan father, who introduced medicine to the world!
You already know!
Peace
Addendum-When I got divorced from ex-wife( and she was a total b***h, did s**t to me never done before), I use to complain to my gramps about her all the time. Then one day my gramps told me to “SHUT UP complaining boy, h**l U PICKED HER.”!! Did u hear that? Now this is from a woman who has been with my grandfather for 50 years( and he was not perfect but a smart hardworking summa b***h). So lets stop with the victim mentality( like that d**n “Do You Have a Tyrone” play that is infiltrating cites across black America and what sum black preachers push in their churches every Sunday.. Just remember, no matter what U PICKED EM’…PTAH RA..
Well said D..and ur right, I truly have felt that whip and I already know.
Did I miss something? Did you REALLY tell why black women don’t need men or did you just use that as a title to get comments? It worked (as far as the comments go) but you stated nothing significant. Nothing that hasn’t been stated a hundred times before and nothing that shed any light on any hopes of finding a solution. Thanks for nothing.
lol…st, i love the comments made but i was thinking the same thing.
African American Women Need African American Men In Their Lives But They Don’t Need These Phony “n****r males” Who Only Care About s*x And Money. Our African American Women Don’t Have Enough African American Men But A Lot Of Phony “n****r males” In Their Lives.
It’s their own fault. There are plenty of good Black men around. They choose to go out and lay with no good men and then try to label the whole population of brothers. I know plenty of good single black men. Black women don’t want them because they may be either working for say the Sanitation department or may not be 6’4 dark and bald headed with an earring coming out of one or both ears. So they tell themselves that good black men don’t exist. No they need to wake up “before” they are used and thrown back by bad men. No, good men don’t want anything they have to repair and get back up to working condition when the options give them plenty of women to deal with. I don’t blame them. I wouldn’t deal with them either. As another poster said…it takes too much time, money and energy.
Another STUPID article that absolves (today’s) Black Women of any responsibility. This is why I keep telling SANE Young Brothers who are about something to not even bother with these females. They are not all saints. And our community needs to stop giving them a pass.
These same “I DON’T NEED NO MAN” women are the same ones looking for handouts from the government, and from Dudes that have their act together and business in order.
Why would any self-respecting Brother want to be with women who have SHI**Y attitudes, lack any sort of responsibility, have major Baby Mama drama, and are selfish and ignorant beyond repair?
These types of women will drain and ruin you without a care in the world. And many of them pass this down to their daughters.
You just can’t save women who refuse to save themselves. It just takes way too much time, energy, and MONEY!
I work with Black women like this daily.
I personally had to learn the HARD way via marriage.
And don’t get me started on Black Women and The Feminist Movement.
h**l. Even the most ardent of WHITE Feminists have been having stable marriages and kids. Black Women got sold a raw deal on this one and don’t even know it.
It’s a sad unbreakable cycle.
But the only way for it to be broken is for Black Women to be HONEST!
Not only with themselves, but with the community as well.
There are Black Men who want to give you a chance.
But you have to meet us half-way at least.
If not, why waste our time?
@LLNYRN:
Meeting Adjourned!!!
EXCELLENT COMMENTARY; I know what you’re talking about! I see negroid fe-males skinnin’ and grinnin’ with caucasoid males EVERYDAY, but when I make eye contact they’ll drop their heads or turn the other way.
Most of these negroid fe-males don’t even smile at a Black Brother, but will show all 32′s when a cracker male pass by them!
I’m sick of this shyt, too. I got my OWN; therefore, I ain’t worried about these negroid fe-males. Go to some Afrikan sites, and see, who the REAL BEAUTIFUL BLACK QUEENS are, and get ready to pack up!!!
Kigali, Rwanda is the CLEANEST, SAFEST, CITY IN THE WORLD!!! Go check out the video, and the WOMEN ARE BLACK AND BEAUTIFUL!!!
In two years I’m in the MOTHERLAND!!!
I’ve read a lot of the posts and I guess I am confused. Well no I’m not confused I guess I just think a lil different. I think a lot of us need to read the title. “Why black women don’t need men.” I believe just the opposite. Black women do need men. I say that because black men are disappearing. There are plenty of black males. It’s the MEN who are disappearing. We need MEN, not a boy in an adult body. We need those who even if not with the mother of their children are there for their children in every sense of the word. We need those who open doors, kiss us goodbye and appreciate us for who we are, strong black LADIES. We’ve gotten so used to seeing the stupidity of our black youth thrown up in our faces everyday on TV, in the news, social websites, etc… I’m tired of it. What happened to having dignity and self respect. It used to be at one point that a man just took care of his no matter what he needed to do. Now its too easy not to. It’s up to ALL of us to raise and empower our black youth and show them to be good people and do whats right no matter what.
So many intriguing comments about a most crucial concern. Never an issue to stop discussing, no matter the type of commentary. Just get rid of “Jon”: this persona is neither a brother or a sister. Language to contrived. However, WE truly need to remove the TV from our living rooms, our children’s room, and turn on good radio, newspapers, family conversations, and then each other.
Next, we must either destroy our current crop of religious institutions or begin to better dictate what services they preach/deliver to us. If churches are not building schools, hospitals and grocery stores, then they are robbing us spiritually and financially. If our morality is not based upon family and cultural preservation, then any other morality is destructive.
We need separate and elite schools dedicated to our boys and girls if we are to thrive in this world and not lose ourselves and our dignity. There are so many books and tools available for us to teach each other how to be our best selves, and how to return to being a people who knows that without us the world is without its greatest resource, that we cannot continue to leave the intellectual and cognitive development of our children to institutions not developed, controlled and OWNED by us.
We need to accept that the way things are now, is not that far gone that it cannot be changed for the better. Rather, this is just another one of those prickly problems (but a most serious one), that will emotionally, financially and socially enrich us all if and when we commit to CREATING THE SOLUTIONS that are necessary. Accept that problems are truly challenges that reward those encouraged and motivated enough to investigate, test, and implement a myriad of potential curative options.
We know our women and men need each other; but be must stop rewarding and enriching those people and institutions that profit from our destruction. Whether it be politicians, musicians, preachers, poachers, or just plain cornerstore merchants, we just need to stop giving them our allegiance: financially, spiritually, socially, artistically and any other means.
Finally, but by no means final, recognize that our WOMEN and girl children are under serious 24/7 bombardment and are not being properly protected by those best equiped to fight back; their fathers, brothers, and all African men. Whether it be their concept of beauty, the hatred of their hair, skin, nose, food, etc., there is a world economy being sustained by this hatred which feeds into African-American/European/Latino men developing a pseudo-natural affinity for other women, and contributing to the destruction of African women. We seem to fight each other, because we love each other. BUT, we too often enter this fight without a clear objective of what the victory would look like. Ever party to a fight must know what a victory should be before they fight. WE NEED TO DEFINE IN MINUTE DETAIL, what our victory for our relationships and families should look like AND THEN PURSUE THESE AS IF OUR EXISTENCE DEPENDS ON IT. Because, IT DOES.
To be my best self; my African Self.
Miss T and all, best love.
Great points, Simba.
Black Women need good men, of any race.
if they’re not there for love and support their families, they are better off out of the house!!!!!!