Nomalanga:The Return of Iyanla Vanzant?
Over the past couple of weeks, I have caught a few minutes of Oprah’s Life Class featuring Iyanla Vanzant as the resident “expert”. Oprah and Iyanla team up to give people advice and tips on how to overcome negative emotions, have difficult conversations and so on; all in an effort to live a more full life, or as Oprah puts it “your best life”.
While I love the idea of two Black women who have worked hard to build their platforms and uplift other women, there is a small nudging voice in the back of my head that is questioning the wisdom in this particular pairing.
First of, all let me say that I have a great deal of love and respect for Oprah Winfrey because of what she has accomplished and because of her ability to continue to raise the bar and hold herself to a high level of conduct. I also have a very deep connection with Iyanla Vanzant because I can still remember reading her book “In The Mean Time”, about 11 or 12 years ago and being so encouraged and inspired by her words at a time when my life was in utter turmoil. I even read her book “Yesterday, I Cried” which was also a very moving and inspirational look into her life.
Around 2001 and 2002, Iyanla’s star was really shining bright. It was around this time that she made regular appearances on the Oprah show as a relationship “expert” and at the time, I believe she herself was married to her third or fourth husband. Soon after that, Iyanla had her own show but sadly, it was over after just one season. This is where it seems Iyanla’s life started on a downward spiral and she seemed to disappear…
Until recently, we did not hear much about Iyanla, with the exception of brief appearances in different places. Iyanla reappeared in 2011 with a new book, “Peace from Broken Pieces” and an onstage conversation with Oprah Winfrey about her sudden departure from the Oprah Show all those years ago.
I read the book and it left me feeling unsettled. Having read prior books by Iyanla, I felt that this latest book did not flow smoothly through Iyanla’s life experiences, with brief stops to impart some wisdom, the way that her other books did. This latest book, to me , felt like she had started to write about her experience before she had fully processed it and reflected on it. Her daughter had died of cancer and her husband had left her and to top it all off, she had lost every penny that she had earned through her books and television appearances.
While watching Iyanla’s “difficult conversation,” as they called it, with Oprah, I could not help but observe that there still appeared to be a lot of denial and justification on both of the women’s sides. I felt that they both wanted to resolve the conflict but also wanted to withhold information about what they were really thinking and feeling when the “drama” went down over ten years ago.
I really love stories of redemption or perseverance and then finally, triumph, so over the years I have been peripherally aware of Iyanla’s challenges, ranging from the dissolution of yet another marriage, her show ending and then her beloved daughter passing away. I waited to see her push through, then re-emerge having picked herself up and dusted herself off and standing up and proclaiming victory, in the famous words of Maya Angelou, “And still I rise”.
Considering how high of a regard I held Iyanla Vanzant in, I am somewhat disappointed in how she has re-emerged. I still feel like she has some soul work to do; I feel she has some healing, processing and evolving to do before she can then sit with the “masters”. It’s actually difficult for me to say that about Iyanla because there is no doubt in my mind that she is anointed with an ability to see beyond what most people can see and she has the God-given ability to encourage, inspire and even teach, also beyond what most people are capable of.
I am however mindful that being on Oprah’s Life Class is a way for Iyanla to feed herself and those that depend on her. I am also aware that when we wait to be “ready”, sometimes we can wait forever, so I applaud Iyanla for her courage to step out and do her “work” even when many are skeptical and doubtful about her. I applaud Oprah Winfrey for graciously giving Iyanla another opportunity and setting aside her ego. What I admire about both women, is that they face their trials and tribulations in the public eye but they continue to live by example, always pushing through and refusing to succumb to failure and negativity.
All things being said, I believe that what Iyanla is doing is helping people to the best of her ability and no one can ever be faulted for that. I believe that her calling is doing the work that she is doing and few people have the courage and strength to operate on just that. Most of us go out and work “safe” jobs and never dare to explore what life would be like if we stepped out on faith and used our unique gifts and talents to serve others.
I wish both Oprah and Iyanla well and I look forward to seeing positive and uplifting work from both of them.
Nomalanga helps Black Women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , Assistant Professor of Professional Studies and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s blog at successfulblackwoman.com
27 Responses to Nomalanga:The Return of Iyanla Vanzant?
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This was a very well written article. I too am glad to see Iyanla get a 2nd opportunity. I didn’t think Oprah should have wasted time airing that conversation with Iyanla. For me all it showed was what a phony Barbra Walters is (and was), because she tried to backstab Oprah. I don’t know if Barbra & O worked things out? But Barbra entered Oprah’s house like a theif in the night trying to steal Oprah’s new rising (at that time) star away. So when Oprah says that Barbra is her mentor, perhaps secretly Oprah is employing that old saying. “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closr”.
What a nice/NASTY article you have written. Typical of a jealous african bish, MAD because black american women are strong and intelligent enough to OVERCOME relationships with no good africans who do nothing but use, abuse, and steal from them in the end, just as the african bishes of the world trained them to do.
Your little hate diatribe aimed at trying to keep this beautiful american queen down didn’t work. Her show is the Most popular. She is at the top of her game. Our Christian God will restore her to her rightful place and your african voodoo God loses AGAIN!
I read most or your posts on a daily basis, but I’m starting to notice that most of your articles always have a negative tinge to them. I am starting to question, why I even read your commentary anymore. I understand it is your personal opinion, but we really don’t really need another Black naysayer, and it seems to me, that’s what you’re become.
I agree with you 100% Valerie.
I agree with you completely. I came to this site looking for Dr. Boyce’s words of wisdom, and lo and behold I discover I’m reading the words of a 3rd world fool who is not qualified to critique anything or anyone American. Her nice/nasty comments only about our American entertainters/scholars is in line with what ALL foreign blacks do. They should be hear learning, instead they’re trying to lead and teach when they have no qualifications to do so. She needs to be deported back to Botswana. We dont need them here trying to help bring us down.
Their culture is wild and primitive. Why is she even allowed in this country in our universities???
Botswanian’s believe in a god named Prishiboro who had a wife that was an elephant. Prishiboro’s older brother tricked him into killing his wife and, later, into eating her flesh. Her herd tried to kill Prishiboro in revenge, but his brother defeated them.
Kung women give birth with the earth as primary midwife (a form of unassisted childbirth) walking away from the village camp as far as a mile during labor and birthing the child alone, delivering it into a small leaf-lined hole dug into the warm sand. The child’s cord is not clamped or cut (a form of Lotus birth or umbilical nonseverance), and the placenta is delivered and put next to the child, as guardian. Shortly thereafter, the baby-placenta is lightly covered with another large leaf, and the new mother walks a short way to verbally alert the older women of the completed birth, at which time they join the mother and child in a ritual welcoming. If a laboring woman is delayed in returning a sign to the village that she has given birth, the older women will come looking for her to assist; however, it is said to be a rare occurrence.[4]
s****l activities amongst children were seen as natural play for both sexes
Yes, I agree. I have read many of your commentaries.It appears that you say things in a two sided version.
You have a tendency to put women down and yet, you appear to be proud.
However, in the last month, I am getting irritated with your negative comments.
You seem to have a personal problem, especially with AA women in the USA.
The women, that you put down, have been through many trail in life, as many of us have.
I have the greatest respect for those women, who have achieved , against all odds, have helped other women, including yourslef, to rise.
I am not a famous person;but an AA women or just American, who came through the Civil Right Movement,as well as other social ills.
I have been Blessed, to have had a good life as an American,
Yes, there is always room for improvement in any one’s life;but you seem to delight in putting down those women, who are willing to share their stories.You want women to come out of the closets, You want women to expose all of their vullnerabilities, their sadness and so forth.
We, women in America, have exposed our selves through out the ages, sometimes just to survive.
We are STRONG, DEDICATED, POWERFUL, BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, Women , who have gone to other countries, even yours and helped build water wells, schools, orphanages, foster care, health centers and the list goes on.
I , am not one to normally speak out on public forums,but lately, I am getting tired of people saying all these negative about Black, Negro African American, Colored Women.
You won your title, as the representative of a country that treats women less than citizens.
I never read your comments about your country.
Please, look towards the positive in the lives of all these women.
It was the backs of our ancestors, yes from Africa, who helped build this USA. I wish you would think, before you continue to put us down.
I am sure many will have their opinion about all the commentaries that are negative, as many have about the positives.
Each of the women, that you put down, are doing great things to help others, and not just AA.
Perhaps, you have not been welcomed into their circles, because of your negative comments.
It takes a great person, to speak about their challenges in life.
why don’t you try to get to meet these women ans then keep your negative thoughts to yourself.
I admire the women that you have put down,because they have shown the world, that yes, in spite of whatever their circumstances, THEY STILL RISE.
I really, respect women of the world,but I do not appreciate women, who come to our country USA and put us down.
We are ALL SISTERS and one person’s hardships, or betterment, may help someone to know that there is HOPE, there is LOve and There is Redeemption.
Women have been abused, mistreated, violated, misunderstood, etc. for centuries. I do not apologize for these comments towards you,but I wish you would focus on the good, rather than the negatives. I wonder, would you say so much about the women of your country.
I admire you, for your title, that in itself, says something positive about you;however, you can use that title to mentor young females, teach them the history of their anccestors and be a postive spokesperson, instead of such negative thoughts.
Are you jealous of them.Maybe that is why, you talk about them.
what do you want,BLOOD, these women are respected, held in high esteem and are honored wherever they go.
We all should be more loving, and understanding, that but by The Grace of God, many of us would have failed.
I wonder, if you told everything about your life, would it be all beautiful.or some secrets.
We AA women , do not need your snide remarks,after all, We are proud to
say AFRICAN AMERICAN, we could say AMERICAN. Give us credit and maybe if you would direct some of your own negative thoughts,towards a postive, you may see the beauty in yourself.
No, I am not famous, but a Proud Black,AFRICAN AMERICAN-COLORED-Negro, woman, who has had the Blessing, to have many women in my life, who have overcome many trials of life.
My ancestors were GREAT WOMEN, AS I SURE YOURS WERE TOO. Perhaps,, you should write about the GREATNESS OF WOMEN,REGARDLESS, OF COLOR, NATIONALITY, CULTURE OR OTHERWISE. We have plenty of negative books, comments about us, you have the opportunity and the media to show the goodness, the beauty, the talent and the intelligence that helped you win your title. I am sure that the young women and youth of your country, look to you as a role model.If you continue to speak so negatively of American women, what do you think your own country will think of you.
I, also want to say, I know that these women have risen above your negative opinions.another point, it does not matter why Ms. Winfrey or Ms,Vaazant, chose not to air their conflicts. Would you have? what happened between them, is not important.To Love One Another, to Forgive, and move on, is all that is necessary.
The entertainment, news, movie industry is always an open window,there are no shades, and so what Joharie windows, are open,should be by choice.
I am Grateful, for the women in my life, who have helped me and others,as well as seeing their own short-comings,but through DEVOTION,THROUGH LOVE,THROUGH UNDERSTANDING AND CARING, WE ALL OVERCOME AND STILL RISE’
Please over look any errors in this post,but I hope you Ms.Nomalanga,will change your attitude towards Women or Color, or anyone.
Not ‘to sound like, I have a split opnion, Yes there are those who present themselves in a negative manner and we pray for them,but
We have to see ourselves through GOD’s Eyes and see the real reflection in the mirror. There is a poem, called The Reflection and we all need to read it. It tells how a woman sees herself over time and what she sees each time, is not always the way she thought she was, but in the end, she realized that the reflection, was really herself.
You might want to look in the mirror.
To the readers, please forgive me, my opening comment, was not in agreement with Ms.Nomalanga,but with Donna and the others, who were letting Ms.Nomalanga,know they did not like her negative comments.
I have tried not to write too many comments;but lately, there is just too much media about AA women, in a negative way.
When we do great things, it is hard enough to get the congratrulations, without someone pulling us down.
We do not need another African woman, pulling American women down..We certainly do not need each other speaking such negative thoughts to the media.
It is called JEALOUSY/hatred. Same thing. Very typical of people of her ilk when it comes to wishing they’re better than black american queens. Let’s just call it what it is.
I do feel Iyanla has lost some ground, but this is why people love her. She gives people a spiritual guidance on life that touches your soul.
I believe, the only reason Nomalanga is on a blog is to attempt to steal ideas from bloggers for a book she is TRYING to write, that she obviously is incapable of doing on her own. She is in no way qualified to critize Iylana. How pathetic, that some American Negro fool college president gave her a position, and now she is using it, like most of them do, to hurt black americans. No wonder people speak of closing the black colleges for the first time, since their inception!!! Most intelligent black people dont even feel comfortable with sending their children to black colleges any more, for the first time in history. Black american teachers were the backbone of Black society at one time.
Thanks Valerie, Another crab trying to pull a sister down , and giving yet another half handed compliment. So tired of having our people put down when they’re trying to do right
I remember also being positive towards Iyanla and her books and messages. Then I recall her coming to town as part of a spiritual expo, also featuring Marianne Williamson. Williamson was great, moved me to tears, but I recall Iyanla acting like a prima donna, thinking she was star. Didn’t sit well with me. Later I noticed that her books were just regurgitations. I still own and like Acts of Faith. That one was a winner. I have no trust for Iyanla and believe she is now in it ONLY for the money, despite having the education to get a job and show some true humility.
This article is right on the money I don’t think that it was written to tear down anyone.For years Oprah Winfrey did not speak to Ms.Vanzant each blaming the other for not doing so.Iylana claiming that she didn’t know that Oprah was trying to help her with regards to having a show of her own and Oprah saying she thought something else at either rate they are both using each other Oprah needs the ratings and obvisouly Iyanla needs the money she practiaclly begged Oprah for a show when she had that chatt with her on her going away party.To me Iylana wasted to many years and have let other go ahead of her on giving advice over the years so to me each of them is washing the others back olain and simple.
What was the purpose of being your blog the way you did if you were going to end it the way you did? Kinda like talking out of both sides of your mouth.
Almost all the HATE blogs aimed at destroying black american entertainers are owned by caribbeans and africans.
Almost all the HATE blogs aimed at destroying black american entertainers are owned by caribbeans and africans.
Sorry I meant to say begin your blog.
You see, the author is a social critic hence he has every right intellectually to be as critical as he sees fit. In this piece, the think he is very balanced. Personally, I like to hear it like it is as long as the author substantiates his/her arguments. I think we are not stupid either, we are fully capable of filtering the grain from the chaff.
Critiquing a woman like Iyanla is, as a meta-physical teacher I learn from says, a non-purposeful use of energy. She has poured a lot into millions of others even at the expense of neglecting herself. Hence, her failed marriage, bankruptcy, and the death of her daughter. She openly admitted that while she was “healing” the world, she was still dealing with unresolved issues from within, herself. And so it is with us all. Because you become a teacher, etc deosn’t mean that you lose your humanity and your life becomes problem-free.
I see her as a woman trying to elevate herself and in the process elevating others. I had an opportunity to meet her and her spiritual vibe was genuine and authentic. She has done quite a bit to sow a positive seed into the lives of many women, particularly black women. So, there are many women/people who have not dedicated their lives to self improvement and self empowerment who are more deserving of critique, but Iyanla is not one of them.
This is the only thing that nomalanga is qualified to teach. The only thing.
70% of families in Botswana consist of a single parent and their children.
More than 90% of these single parent families are lead my women, where the father is absent from their lives.
Because of the lack of marriages in this country, the rate of children being born is astronomical due to men having the freedom, if you will, to be with partners that they will most likely leave after impregnating. The childbirth rate would be much lower statically if there were more marriages
Many Botswana locals practice a religion called Badimo, which is traditional religion pertaining to ancestor’s
I too notice the negative in this article. I thought it was just me. Iyanla has been back, where have you been. She wrote a couple of books, she has her spiritual center which conducts seminars. Iyanla deserves better. She lost a daughter, there is no time limit on grieving… When my Mother died, it took me 4 years to a point where I knew she was..not here. Your article praises these two women while putting them down. What a waste and how sad.
Better time could be spent writing about her trials and how she triumphs….and the good works that they both do helping women and men around the world.
Black press is really nasty to some Blacks.. unless you are sucking up to a no brain like Beyonce and that group……..
I have read the post by Nomalanga, and the response from others. While I have not been a constant reader of Nomalanga’s post, I must say that the information that she shared was indeed insightful (her thoughts), yet very insightful. In a world where social media, digital literature, and the constancy of in your face internet, it can be all TOO public even when you aren’t trying to have it be public. I believe that her comments were neither critical nor did it cast a negative aspect of Iyanla. It simply was her observation of what was very obvious to many that I know who watched it as well.
In her observation it made me focus less on Iyanla or Oprah, but on my interactions with other and what it is that others see when they hear me talking to a sister, friend, or a person who has aided in me getting to the next place in my life.
Overall it was a good commentary to me, constantly reminding me that there is more work to be done on me!
All I have to say is I love Oprah and Iyanla and I look forward to more of the positive things they are doing and have to say. And I have encountered in my life many persons who feel the same exact way no matter how others may feel.
I’ve enjoyed the relationship between Oprah and Iyanla for many years for various reasons inclusive of providing: education, wisdom, insightfullness, positivity, inspiration, laughter, and determination. We are guilty of making mistakes in our daily lives therefore our mistakes hopefully should be a learning tool and prevent us from repeating them. As two African American professional women it is inspiring and rewarding to see two power players instilling and motivating people in the pursuit of happiness and fullfillment.
I AM SO GLAD TO SEE YOUR RETURN…THERE ARE ONLY A FEW HONEST PEOPLE LEFT ON TV…..I ADMIRE YOU ARE THE GREATEST. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU EVEN MORE…YOU HAVE LEARNED A LESSON AND SO HAVE WE
I FELT THAT THE ARITICLE WAS RIGHT ON POINT!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WRITING WHAT SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE FELT AND FEEL. WITH ALL DUE RESPECT I HAVE LOST ALOT OF RESPECT FOR IYANLA VANZANT. WHILE WATCHING THAT SHOW IT WAS LIKE SOMEONE TAKING THEIR NAILS AND SCRATCHING DOWN A A CHALK BOARD. IT WAS VERY PAINFUL. IYANLA SEEMS TO SHOW HER STREET HUSTLE AND PHONYNESS COME OUT AT THE SAME TIME AND ITS JUST NOT A GOOD LOOK. SORRY, BUT I CAN NOT TAKE ANYTHING SHE SAYS SERIOUSLY AFTER THE CONFRONTATION WITH OPRAH. THE THINGS THAT SHE WAS SAYING TO OPRAH ABOUT SHE DIDNT THINK OPRAH WOULD LIKE HER, WAS TOTAL B.S. AND NOW, AFTER WATCHING THE SHOW AND HEARING OPRAH SAY THAT IYANLA SAYS SHES GOING TO BE THERE FOR HER…. I WANTED TO LAUGH. SHES THERE FOR HER NOW BECAUSE HER A$$ WAS BROKE. WHERE ELSE IS SHE GOING TO GO. I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR IYANLA. SORRY!
BLACK AND WHITE AMERICA LOVE IYLANA AND THERE IS NOTHING YOUR HATE BLOG CAN DO ABOUT IT. I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL SATURDAY AND SUNDAY TO SEE OUR 2 BLACK QUEENS OPRAH AND IYLANA DOING IT AGAIN, AND DOING IT WELL. GO GIRLS!!!