There is a video circulating the blogs and internet sites in which R & B singer, Tyrese speaks directly to Black women. In his message, he stresses the importance of finding a balance between being a strong and independent woman and being an overly independent woman who is on a “I don’t need no man kick” as well as the third alternative which is a woman who is “holding on to her sexy and nice body” and “freeloading”.
Honestly, my first reaction to hearing that Tyrese had a message for women was a slight irritation, but I decided to hear what he had to say. My irritation stemmed from what I had prejudged as yet another badgering of women and a condescending lecture about what is wrong with us.
After listening to Tyrese’s short video, I can honestly say he actually shared a few words of wisdom. Basically, what he was saying was that women, specifically Black women, need to find a balance between being able to take care of ourselves and having solid goals and a purpose in life without going to one of two extremes of either being so “independent” that we repel good men that we could have harmonious relationships with or being so dependent on our looks to “catch” a man and then depend entirely on him to be our provider.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with a woman who is traditional and finds a man who is also traditional and they decide that what works for them is a relationship in which the husband is the financial provider while the wife does more of the nurturing and taking care of others. It’s important though, to realize that wanting to be in such a relationship is very different than being so lazy to grow up that a woman needs another “daddy” to take care of her and do her thinking for her while she relies entirely on her appearance to maintain “daddy’s” interest.
Most of us know women (maybe we are even , at times, those women) who have gotten disappointed so much or have witnessed other women being disappointed by the men in their lives that they dare not open themselves up to the possibility of sharing their lives with a man. Just as Tyrese puts it, these women will often have an attitude of “I don’t need no man” and end up alone and/or lonely.
The modern woman, it seems struggles to find the right balance between being strong and independent without being off-putting or wanting to be taken care of without being a so called “gold digger” who seems to have made a career out of searching for a man to take care of everything, while she, as Tyrese puts it, “free loads”.
As much as I did not expect to, I actually agree with Tyrese who even goes on to plead with women not to give up on their men by lumping them all into one negative category. He acknowledges that some men are out there that may not be forthcoming about who they are, even mentioning and alluding to men who are undercover homosexuals, but still lets women know that there are still good men who desire good women just as much as good women desire them.
Just in the same way there are women who can walk the fine line of confidence and assertiveness while being feminine and attractive, there are also some good men who can be good providers without expecting to dominate the women in their lives or those who can be honest, faithful and loyal to their women. Who knew Tyrese could be so wise?
Nomalanga helps Black Women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , Assistant Professor of Professional Studies and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s blog at successfulblackwoman.com