Nomalanga: Why Black Women Should Listen to Tyrese’s Message
There is a video circulating the blogs and internet sites in which R & B singer, Tyrese speaks directly to Black women. In his message, he stresses the importance of finding a balance between being a strong and independent woman and being an overly independent woman who is on a “I don’t need no man kick” as well as the third alternative which is a woman who is “holding on to her sexy and nice body” and “freeloading”.
Honestly, my first reaction to hearing that Tyrese had a message for women was a slight irritation, but I decided to hear what he had to say. My irritation stemmed from what I had prejudged as yet another badgering of women and a condescending lecture about what is wrong with us.
After listening to Tyrese’s short video, I can honestly say he actually shared a few words of wisdom. Basically, what he was saying was that women, specifically Black women, need to find a balance between being able to take care of ourselves and having solid goals and a purpose in life without going to one of two extremes of either being so “independent” that we repel good men that we could have harmonious relationships with or being so dependent on our looks to “catch” a man and then depend entirely on him to be our provider.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with a woman who is traditional and finds a man who is also traditional and they decide that what works for them is a relationship in which the husband is the financial provider while the wife does more of the nurturing and taking care of others. It’s important though, to realize that wanting to be in such a relationship is very different than being so lazy to grow up that a woman needs another “daddy” to take care of her and do her thinking for her while she relies entirely on her appearance to maintain “daddy’s” interest.
Most of us know women (maybe we are even , at times, those women) who have gotten disappointed so much or have witnessed other women being disappointed by the men in their lives that they dare not open themselves up to the possibility of sharing their lives with a man. Just as Tyrese puts it, these women will often have an attitude of “I don’t need no man” and end up alone and/or lonely.
The modern woman, it seems struggles to find the right balance between being strong and independent without being off-putting or wanting to be taken care of without being a so called “gold digger” who seems to have made a career out of searching for a man to take care of everything, while she, as Tyrese puts it, “free loads”.
As much as I did not expect to, I actually agree with Tyrese who even goes on to plead with women not to give up on their men by lumping them all into one negative category. He acknowledges that some men are out there that may not be forthcoming about who they are, even mentioning and alluding to men who are undercover homosexuals, but still lets women know that there are still good men who desire good women just as much as good women desire them.
Just in the same way there are women who can walk the fine line of confidence and assertiveness while being feminine and attractive, there are also some good men who can be good providers without expecting to dominate the women in their lives or those who can be honest, faithful and loyal to their women. Who knew Tyrese could be so wise?
Nomalanga helps Black Women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , Assistant Professor of Professional Studies and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s blog at successfulblackwoman.com
11 Responses to Nomalanga: Why Black Women Should Listen to Tyrese’s Message
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This was a very insightful article. Sometimes we do expect negative attitudes from articles such as this, but we would miss out on very powerful thoughts. Thank you Tyrese for your thoughts.
There’s nuttn wrong with either way a sister see/care herself its up to da individual if they have da time & energy ta wanna put up wit it.
I’m Glad Black Ty put this out there Especially those Brothers going around giving out Sh#%y deals lol some of our people are kinda slow Mentally?The Million Man March was about Tyrese’s Subject exactly it is our Bad as Blackmen that was the Reason for the March was to put the Blame or Responsability on the Blackman! Sisters you all are doing all that you can & going beyond the call of Duty! I love you all! Brothers it’s on us all this BS has Happened on our watch! Faggits BullDaggers Trisexuals Bisexuals?? Some of y’all will try Anything once Don’t tell nobody lol We as Blackmen must spend Quality time with our Sons! If not FrankDaFag will so pick your Poison?If you a Brother & Don’t have Children you can Help out too we just need a Backround Check lol I don’t trust alot of people keep a small Circle & you will be fine! To all you Homos stay out my Immediate area because you could get Hurt s****y! lol I remember at the MMM these BootyBandits called they self trying to Act up like a Women or Something the Minister put them in Check Quick and told them that’s not the reason we went to D.C. You still welcome to come, and he told them there will not be no Faggits Speaking at the MMM lol they wanted some Fruity Speakers we did not need them we already had BlackWomen speaking lol Good Luck Tyrese & I loved your last Album Hot! Good looking out my Ex went to Locke HS with you She a Black Hispanic Very Nice
Tyrese is always running around thinking he knows everything but he is still wet behind the ears. He thinks women are too independent to want him, but the truth is Tyrese no woman wants a know it all, who is really not that good looking. When rich men like he and 50 cent have problems getting women, and lil wayne dont, it could be because lil wayne is a nice guy, and TI is a nice guy and they aren’t. Women don’t want to attach to control freak, know it alls. I knew he was a complete jerk when he said he didn’t speak to his mother for a complete year, just to hurt her, or to try to force her into getting some therapy. he claimed. that was wrong, and mean spirited no matter how much u try to dress it up.
Tyrese can go sukk a dykk. And I mean literally.
I’m sick of sellout black males like this gooberhead telling black women to do with themselves, then throwing them under the bus to appeal to non-black women.
I think that Black Sisters have a lot to deal with. Black women have to be strong because unfortunately they have to deal with a lot. I am a black male and I am married to a sister. She is successful and smart but everyone needs someone on this earth that they can depend on. I don’t have power struggles with my wife. We have learned to work together. To me being the head of the house means that I take the trash out and make sure the physical plant is up to speed. I have to get stuff fixed when it breaks. If my wife’s car breaks down I have to drive it until it gets fixed. Money is a 50 50 split. We discuss money have a joint account.
This may be a traditional marriage, I don’t know but it works. Mutual respect is the name of the game.
There are so many different types of personalities representes in sisters that there is going be one that suites a given brother. I do not believe a woman needs to change her personality. She is who she is.
Nothing is wrong with sisters.
Most relationships break down because the honesty, trust and repect is absent.
Totally agree with you Cambie!
I whole heartedly agree with Tyrese and have felt a similar way for some time. I was a single parent and moderately successful believing in the,”That Girl” hype about independent women! I believe we have lost much our femininity and that does not promote sustaining relationships or the much needed balance in our lives. Take a good hard look at what you truly want from a heart centered level and ask yourself are you showing up as an open, compassionate, and loving female???
I simple love this Brother, he can say anything and it is alright with me:)
Black men continue to be hung up on BUTTS and body parts—I advice Women to always maintain some kind of independence Mainly Interacting with all-people because lonliness is apart of living– surviving anything is a matter of skill or where the chips fall. There is no proof that being less independent or less anything will keep anybody from the pit falls of life—–”LIVE LOVE and LAUGH” PEACE!!!!
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