by Dr. Boyce Watkins, BlackBlueDog.com
Deborrah Cooper is the author of an interesting new book: “The Black Church: Where Women Pray and Men Prey.” Cooper has written extensively about the state of black women on the dating scene and their quest to find Mr. Right. Unfortunately for too many women, Mr. Right is actually “Mr. I Don’t Give a d**n,” leading some to wonder about the state of black love and relationships.
I met Deborrah a couple of years ago when she wrote a highly compelling article entitled, “How the Black Church Keeps Women Single and Lonely.” Deb’s article got millions of reads, which is extraordinary for a piece that is focused on a specific demographic. Even the article I wrote about her article got several hundred thousand views back when I used to do my thing for AOL Black Voices (you know, the company that was ruined by Arianna Huffington – it’s sad, but most black online media outlets are ultimately controlled by white people).
Deborrah is not a simple woman. She is often in-your-face and hardcore in her principles on dating to the point that I disagree with her often. I don’t believe that love should be war, but the battle of the sexes between black men and women can sometimes become a very ugly blame game. However, while I might disagree with Deb on occasion, I think that her new book opens the door for a compelling conversation about the state of black love in America, and how women can overcome of the dirty pimps that exist in some of America’s most powerful pulpits.
I agree with the premise of Deb’s book because we’ve all seen it far too often: The so-called “sanctified” church man who uses the hypnotic power of black female loyalty to spread his genitalia throughout the entire church. In many cases, these men are married with kids, thumping their bibles at whoever passes by and quoting just enough scripture to get into a woman’s panties. Some of them, like Bishop Eddie Long, even have the audacity to condemn the gay community during the day and sweat with them on the dance floor on Friday nights. There is nothing holy about a hypocrite.
Power can corrupt even the most noble men. I don’t have as much power as some people I know, but I have more power than a lot of people I know. I’ve oftentimes seen situations where women would trust me instantly because they’ve heard of me and admire what I do. While such admiration can be wonderful food for the ego, I try to remind those I meet that giving unconditional trust to anyone (even so-called black leaders) is a recipe for manipulation.
Even if you go back to the great Malcolm X, he was horribly manipulated by his unwavering loyalty to the Honorable Elijah Muhammad, and that loyalty cost him his life. You should never let any person hijack your brain, no matter how well-intended they appear to be. This is especially true when money or s*x are involved, since most men are highly tempted by both.
I encourage you to watch the interview (below) and think through the issues presented in Deb’s book. You may not agree with everything, but there should be a conversation on this matter. Women who are looking for true and genuine love must realize that sometimes, you are as likely to find God outside the church as you are to find him in it. In fact, the devil hangs out in both places.
The interview is below: