Nomalanga: The Modern Black Father and The “Feminization” of Men
With the rate of unemployment reaching record highs across the country in the last few years, many men are at home while the women in their lives are at work. If you look at the statistics in Black communities, the statistics get worse-much worse. The rate of unemployment among Black men has been at a high of 16% which roughly means that one in every seven men is unemployed.
Yesterday, I spent the day with my small family as well as one of my husband’s brothers who happened to be off from work at that time of the day, while his wife was at work. I watched with much admiration as he cared for his almost 3 year old daughter with so much love and affection. He was feeding, changing pull up diapers and giving out an unlimited number of hugs and kisses. I’ve also had the experience of watching my own husband in a similar role.
What is particularly interesting about watching both men is that nothing about their interactions with their children seems bothersome to me or them. That being said, I have been aware of a growing mumbling and grumbling, mostly among men, about how society and media is on a huge campaign to “feminize” men.
Of course, this is a very complex issue. A lot of us grew up during the time when we generally understood that women were the nurturers and care takers of children and the family while the men were…not. Some saw men who were providers and protectors while others just didn’t see much of their fathers at all. Those that lived in homes with absent fathers, generally experienced living with women who played both roles; providing and also being care takers.
It is interesting to note that a lot of conversations about what a lot of men say they find undesirable about Black women-“strong Black Women”, is actually what might be women exhibiting traits that we would primarily associate with being a man. So, it could be said that women, primarily because of their circumstances, are becoming more like men.
Personally, I do not want to be “like a man”, nor do I think that I am, but I am aware that a lot of women who have “strong” personalities, do tend to rub people the wrong way and I am no exception (*chuckling to myself). Also, I have no desire for my husband to be “like a woman”. A lot of people are still more comfortable with the softer image of a woman who is content with just being a wife and mother, rather than a powerful businesswoman. In the same token, some are more comfortable with a “manly man”-whatever that is.
It seems to me that if women have adapted in order to function in the workplace, because in the last 50 years, the number of working women has exploded, men would also adapt to participating more actively in the various household functions that were previously reserved for women. Think about it: If a woman is “helping” her husband to provide, it stands to reason that he would help her “nurture”. It would then also follow that, with more and more men being unemployed and their wives being employed, the women would then “provide” more and the men “nurture” more.
The rumblings that I hear about the “feminization” of men, to me, seem a little narrow minded. If men are being “feminized”, it would only be because women have somehow, been forced into some sort of masculine function. To perceive the workplace as a masculine function and the home as a feminine function is a perfect example of the narrow mindset that I am referring to. A more logical approach would be to look at both the home and the workplace as opportunities to create the lives and circumstances that we all desire for ourselves and our children.
For some people, it may still be possible to restrict the men to the workplace and the women to the home because that is what they desire. Unfortunately for some, that is not an option. Many women, especially Black women, are single parents and many men, especially black men are experiencing long periods of time where they are unable to find work that will allow them to provide for their families. Even among those that have the option, many women do not want to stay home and instead prefer to work.
The so called “bad economy” has unarguably affected many men and women and sadly, when Americans are negatively “affected”, many Black people are devastated. What many of us may not have expected though, is that the “bad economy” would open the door to important dialogue about who we are as men and women and how we assign value and worth to each other.
I don’t believe that a man taking care of his children makes him a woman any more than a woman working makes her a man. I believe that one positive step that we can all take, as a community, is to start having conversations about what our desired outcomes are and then work together to create our best lives.
I’m not suggesting that we, as women, stop embracing our femininity and beauty as a gender. That is, after all, what makes us attractive to men. Also, I am not suggesting that men have to stop being men in their own unique way. What I am saying is let’s stop being so rigid that we end up focusing on the wrong things and resisting changes that could ultimately lead to happier, healthier and more functional lives.
Nomalanga helps Black Women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , Assistant Professor of Professional Studies and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s blog at successfulblackwoman.com
49 Responses to Nomalanga: The Modern Black Father and The “Feminization” of Men
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Today’s man is doing what needs to be done to keep his family intact. My hats off to the men who do let “gender roles” get in the way of providing for his entire family. And for the black woman that thinks she is the “new white man”. And can measure a mans worth by the weight of his wallet. You will see that as long as his face is on that money, he will do anything including use you, to keep his face on that money.
what the h**l does a botswana nomalanga know??? not a d**n thang. instead of teaching she needs to shut the h**l up and learn.
Family structure in Botswana has been disintegrating since the early nineties. Focus on the nuclear family, as well as the extended family, has been depressed and replaced mostly with the zero-couple, or single parent, household.
The 1991 census in Botswana showed one half of total recorder births to be out of wedlock. This was at a point when society was urging women to reproduce abundantly. [2]
In Western culture and the United States, the traditional approach to childbearing occurs within the union (marriage) between a man and women. This is not the norm in the Republic of Botswana. When one thinks of a family, it is natural for Americans to assume there are a dad, mom, and children.
70% of families in Botswana consist of a single parent and their children.
More than 90% of these single parent families are lead my women, where the father is absent from their lives.
Because of the lack of marriages in this country, the rate of children being born is astronomical due to men having the freedom, if you will, to be with partners that they will most likely leave after impregnating. The childbirth rate would be much lower statically if there were more marriages
Many Botswana locals practice a religion called Badimo, which is traditional religion pertaining to ancestor’s
The Kung, also spelled Xun, are a Bushman people living in the Kalahari Desert in Namibia, Botswana and in Angola.
Historically, the !Kung lived in semi-permanent camps of about 10-30 people usually located around a water body. Once the water and resources around the village were depleted, the band would relocate to a more resource-rich area. They lived a hunting and gathering lifestyle with the men responsible for providing meat, making tools, and maintaining a supply of poison-tipped arrows and spears. The women provided most of the food by spending between two and three days per week foraging for roots, nuts and berries in the Kalahari Desert.
They believe in a god named Prishiboro who had a wife that was an elephant. Prishiboro’s older brother tricked him into killing his wife and, later, into eating her flesh. Her herd tried to kill Prishiboro in revenge, but his brother defeated them.
Kung women give birth with the earth as primary midwife (a form of unassisted childbirth) walking away from the village camp as far as a mile during labor and birthing the child alone, delivering it into a small leaf-lined hole dug into the warm sand. The child’s cord is not clamped or cut (a form of Lotus birth or umbilical nonseverance), and the placenta is delivered and put next to the child, as guardian. Shortly thereafter, the baby-placenta is lightly covered with another large leaf, and the new mother walks a short way to verbally alert the older women of the completed birth, at which time they join the mother and child in a ritual welcoming. If a laboring woman is delayed in returning a sign to the village that she has given birth, the older women will come looking for her to assist; however, it is said to be a rare occurrence.[4]
s****l activities amongst children were seen as natural play for both sexes
Divorce remained possible throughout marriage. Extramarital s*x wasn’t condoned, but was equally acceptable for each spouse.
Naming oneself as chieftain is closer to the simple addition of a name. There are responsibilities that the chieftain assumes, such as becoming the tribes ‘logical head’. This duty entails such roles as dividing up the meat from hunter’s kills and these leaders do not get a larger portion than any other member of the village.[11]
Hunting could take days of tracking, attacking, and following a wounded animal. The Ju|’hoansi had rituals to prevent arrogance amongst male hunters. When a man killed an animal, he would not take it directly into the settlement, but would leave the body and return as if he was unsuccessful.
This is an interesting piece, and it’s funny that I’m reading this today, because last night I was reading an essay by Dr. Frances Cress Welsing out of her compilation, “The Isis Papers.” Instead of discussing “feminization” in the context of gender roles and economics within the Black family, she discusses “effeminization” in the context of masculinity as it relates to sexuality. Although the context is different, it is quite possible that there is a connection between the two. But you will definitely find examples of the “feminization” of men in society and the media, so it’s understandable for some men to feel that way.
Personally I feel very proud of the black men today because, he is NOT like the man of yesterday. First I am 75yrs old. When I grew up, there were many black men who did not have a decent paying job, and most black women had to work to supplement his salary to care for the family. The man also felt degraded because it was put into everyones head that a man was not a man if his wife made the money. He would not wash clothes, he would not push a carrage or walk the child to school or clean the house.(he was too proud of a man for that) They were told that the man is always to be the head.(what ever that was) most black woman has always been the one to hold down the family. In a lot of homes there were no man there. Man and woman are surpose to be partners ((equally)). They now have come together to make a decide for their future. If he does the house as she works, God bless them. I see young men today that know that they must help each other with respect for each other. Today, WE are the head, the childdren are the tails until they learn to be the heads of their familys. My hat is off to all the young people who realize that one hand washes the other. Two heads are better than one. I am glad to live long enough to see that the young are smarter than my parents and grand-parents.
Excellent piece. Thank you Bernice. Have a Blessed Day!
I don’t know what you’re seeing, but many of today’s black male is irresponsible and carries diseases to pass onto the black women that they hate.
Please stop lying and tell the truth.
Black men have been undergoing feminization ever since slavery. Gay slavemasters used black boys; the prison system has cultivated gay tendencies; single mother headed families has contributed to feminine mannerisms; Black male entertainers, for many years, routinely “processed” their hair like women; Bisexuality is considered normative for men who play the “male” role; Black men have flocked to “feminine” type occupations like teaching, social work, nursing etc. For many black men, being a man includes acting feminine.
This diatribe defies all logic. It’s reminds me of a meaningless rant that some high school or college student would write.
Please don’t blame others just because YOU need to constantly reinforce your masculinity with stereotypical roles. Free your mind, the rest will follow. Wish you the best with that.
I think you folks are over-simplifying a situation in black america that has become dangerous and potentially explosive. As an educated professional black male, I still find myself surrounded by black women who enjoy attacking black men.
Unemployed/underemployed black men and overpaid black women is a political genocide. We have already witnessed news stories of white men who were kicked out of the bedroom until they found a job.
Even with my advanced degrees, I am still surrounded by black women who take pride in fighting men, wearing the pants. They spend their every moment probing a man for any weakness they can find.
My conclusion is that educaion and employment are not the issues. Black women have deep seated issues with black men…period.
Let me guess, your dating a white woman and are masking your own insecurities about your betrayal of your race and the fact that your helping to perpetuate racial genocide within it.
Sellout brotha’s need to recognize that theres a plethora of black woman and all are different from another. Stop generalizing.
BAM. You said it!! What in the H is he talking about????
To Beyoncca,
Actually, I only date black women. Yes, I am insecure in seeing black people in so much trouble.
And you know full well what the attitude is towards black men who are unemployed/underemployed, stay at home fathers.
Finally, generalize about what? You can’t see the trouble we are in?
And who’s fault is that?
It’s not the white man’s fault, so dig a little deeper.
The whole world is not against black men. Many of ya’ll don’t want to work. Many of you do not want to get an education. Many of you do not want to take of your responsibilities.
Stop playing victim and own up to your faults for once.
98% Real s**t @anonymous.Black men are dammed if we do or dont. We are in the wilderness these days. Most of us dont even have a network of black male friends these days unless your in the hood.. I personally find other races of women inferior to black women. But I cant deal with the perms,weaves and attitudes. Natural hair only gets play from me. MY experience is Black Women my age have too much baggage or too “bossy”.
I date 20-somethings,not from a dirty old man slant,but father figure after proving myself worthy of such and it works for me. Stay up Dog.
I also as a grown azz black male agree with anonymous.
I have never in my long life seem nowadays so many black women who HATE blackmen period, and with shelfish-ness use blackmen as sperm donors and money. Then expect for the black male to pay for a child they never asked for..but a child SHE wanted inspite of..still there’s no excuse why men can’t be responsible for their OWn birth control and DON’T rely on the female to be on birth control, becuz you as a male don’t want a child, you be responsible as a male and decide if you a the alledge daddy want a child or not.
If a black male has hurt this black womman, then all other blackmen are responsible as far as the hurt black woman is concerned. Its ridiculous! Then you wonder why blackmales who are hard working, God fearing, no babies with other women, go to a another race of women.
Let me say blackwomen, not all blackmen look at women as only black women to pursue, we as men who happen to be black look at all women no matter what race, a woman is a woman, not just a black woman, and no, I don’t want to marry my mother, she belongs to my daddy as his wife. I want my own wife, my mother is my mother not my wife. I just know this! Granted there are some black men who only perfer black women, no problem, just like there are white men who only perfer blackwoman. some of you all need to get OFF this blackman- white woman kick, its 2012.
I’m sorry, but I’m not your last boyfriend who hurt you, or your father who was never around when you were growing up…or those family males who may have sexually molested you as child.
In the black community, the traditional family structure– of in-home fathers/mothers as two parent household in the black community is non-existent, and if in 2012 you don’t see this as problem in the black community with the youth? Then you’re walking around with blinders on and a part of the PROBLEM.
I’ve dated plenty of black women before marriage, yes, I wanted a WIFE. I came from a two parent household, middle class and thank God, I was raised in a two I was dating black women who didn’t come from the same life i had as child being raised in a two parent household. I dated women from single mother household, not saying single mothers aren’t the best because some are excellent. However, for me the women I dated wasn’t raised in a household with good single mothers. In other word these daughters were taught that men were bad because of their mother’s experience with bad men. I was batting ZERO with these women from such upbring in such homes of insecurities and hurt.
So finally I got it right and found my wife as a result, I stated dating women who came from the type of homes and upbringing similar to me, two parent households, God fearing, loving parents, a solid family structure from generations prior. I understood why its important now to know when you marry someone, you’re marrying their family also, past and present.
Black women need to change their attitude about black men, these are their brothers, uncles, father, sons..and the attitudes you display to your male family members will impact how your family males view women outsie fo the family as result of your response to your male relative, young or old.
Yes, younger blackmales are becoming more and more FEM, they are being raised by single mothers, what example do they have of what a good MAN is ..or how to be one? These black male actors who play these women in character on screen? The majority of these black male actors were raised by single mothers. then we have the black males who are gong to prison at a alarming rate and young who by no choice to defend and stop being raped or have s*x with other males in prison for protection, i.e. hanging pants no belt.
It’s nasty looking and unclean, Iwon’t touch one of these young brothers, because as an adult male, I know how we males touch our privates all day long, especially, if no one is looking and with those pants hanging? Believe me those kats are touching themselves so much easy, and then want to shake my hand, no sirrrre!!!
Here we go again, please stop picking on Mr. Tyler Perry. This man’s work has messages behind them and there is NOTHING wrong with his work. He is not trying to feminize men what so ever, and if you really want to be honest with yourself, men feminize theirselves when they do things they shouldn’t do. There very few good men on this earth, the rest are either dead, gay, or in jail so stop trying to use articles that are not news to kick up dirt.
So, because someone is gay or in jail means that he or she is not, by your definition, “good”? You are truly brainwashed, my friend.
I’m proud of Tyler Perry and understand that he’s doing what he has to do to get ahead in the business. It can’t be easy to be a black man in Hollywood. I, too have heard the scuttlebutt regarding “producers/directors in Hollywood’s main goal being to emasculate black men on television by preassuring them to dress as a woman in makeup and high heels”. I don’t think this pertains to Tyler Perry though, because his whole niche is “Madea, wearing a dress”.
The reality is that this seems to be more of a problem in the black community. Let’s face it, power is intoxicating. How can you go to the office day after day and call shots, then come home and be a princess. The number of black women that are able to maintain balance is dwindling. Her examples of what a successful man is has changed because of who her mentors are, Who is training her on the job, where does she go for advice, of course to people who she looks up to. In my oppinion, black women have become double minded and confused. Some have vowed to never live like their mothers, many kids and little power. Some have joined a secret society of man haters because of anger with their fathers. Some will tell you, if you don’t wear the pants I will put them on. Society has made it easy for black women to realize that they don’t have to be on the bottom, there is always the black man. The events are not personal, just part of an evolutionary process. A house devided against itself cannot stand, the results will show in the black male murder rate, illiteracy, respect for women and substance abuse.
You Kilt’ it Dog. Peace.
I am a proud 68yr old black female and my husband & I were together 19yrs until he became a crackhead. During that time together, I worked most of the time and he was proud to be a house husband. He walked the babies, sometimes he cooked dinner and made sure the house was cleaned. He did work occasionally, but he did work. We were more concerned that our children had a stable home life and two people who loved each other. We washed clothes together, cleaned the house and cooked together. We made sure our children realized that each one was just as important as the other one, boys & girls. They all learned the same life skills. I am proud to say, my boys are grown, have families and work (in this economy) when they can (they are tattoo artists). They can both cook and clean, and because a great many young women do not know how to cook or clean they have been able to take care of themselves. It always amazed me that when there were problems in school, the teachers always remarked that it was so unusual to have a father & mother come to the school. It saddens me that men don’t realize how important fathers are. If possible, they should be aware of what is going on in their children’s lives.
I wonder, however, if your husband’s station in life was still not fully satisfying to him, and drove him to drugs. Imagine, wanting to be the breadwinner, but not being able to fulfill one’s own potential because of the walls placed around him, because of his color. Maybe he didn’t get to attend college, or pursue his dreams. I would wager that although he dealt (quite admirably) with the hand God gave him, he may still have harbored inner turmoil at not being able to exercise his full potential.
Wow, you’re part of the d**n problem. making excuses for a crackhead is disgusting. Waxing poetic about your marriage to a drug addict who had full access to your kids shows that you are a mule and an enabler.
I find nothing spectacular about that arrangement.
man in a dress—so inspiring ain’t it? we were not homosexual when we got here. no evidence found in historical black africa yet….
RESIST THE RE-PROGRAMING
Thanks. I will resist ’till my last breath.
Thanks! So many might disagree with you but it is true. Homosexual behavior is not African behavior. This behavior was learned in slavery as just as many boys were raped as girls and this is not talked about in African-American society but it should be addressed.
We have more men in our race with desires for each other than for women and it is ruining our culture.
This is so degrading to see men behave in this manner.
I WORK IN THE VISUAL ARTS WORLD, NOT IN CORPORATE AMERIKKKKKA AND I CAN SAY THAT ALL THE BLACK WOMEN AND THE BLACK MEN IN OUR WORLD ARE STILL IN MANY WAYS STUCK ON THAT SLAVE SHIP TRYING TO BREAK FREE FROM THE RAMPANT RACISM IN FILM & TELEVISON IF THE BLACKWOMAN MAKE MORE THAN WE THE BLACK MALES we rejoice !! i dont have a problem if my woman makes more than i do ! because she knows that if our arena was FAIR then we both would be making the same anyway so we both win ! and dont agrue over the PETTY and most blackwomen in our world dont use the fact that she makes more than the male out to be a vendetta of sorts that defeats the purpose of being an artist because we come from the same MOLD !! and we overstand what were up against ill will always do for her and she will always do for me ! thats how we live ANYWAY !! why would i feel any less if my woman makes more than i do WHEN MOST OF US HAVE NO EGO TO BRUISE! WE LOOK AT LIFE DIFFERENTLY when you work as an artist you are naturally more cohesive !
I agree with some points in this article. I come from a family where my mom was a housewife and my father brought home the bacon. Today my husband and I both work. Yes, I earn more but that is not an issue. In my opinion we sistas have lost respect for our men. Making more money than him is not an issue because I’ve never lost respect for him. Our career paths were different mine more lucrative. Yes he helps within the home WHO CARES we are a TEAM.. Black men aren’t feminized!! I come from a strong black father and have 5 wonderful strong black brothers. I see it all the time with my friends the lack of respect for our black men. A man whether black white purple or green deserves respect it’s non negotiable. The most despicable thing for me to hear is a sista tell a man TO ACT LIKE A REAL MAN, as if we are MEN! We sistas need stop d*****g our men. There are some terrible brothers out there BUT not all are this way. We sistas aren’t dumb but yet we fall for foolishness and blame the black man. We African Americans need drop our egos, foolishness, stop blaming each other and come back to reality and family.
I’m sorry, unless a man is disabled or was layed off he should be at work. I cannot condone a man sitting home with kids while the mother works unless there are extreme reasons.
Elizabeth-Would you not say that the current state of affairs is “extreme”? In some communities, Black men have unemployment rates that are above 50%.
To the person who said “we were not homosexual before we got here” needs some more experience/education. I am so sick of people not realizing that homosexuality has been around for a least thousands of years and I’m almost sure since the beginning of time. It’s neurobiological people!!! I can’t help I’m sexually attracted to two women having s*x.. Anywho I got it out my system early on now I’m 29, happily married & have two babies. My husband brings go
.. Id like to see more women do what they have to in order for a black man to feel loved & secure regardless of the situation. The key is committing to thi G’s bigger than yourself.
the income & when he’s not working he’s an awesome stay at home dad
I believe just as my mom always said, “these roles don’t have a name – man or woman on them. If it needs doing, someone needs to get it done.” If the man doesn’t have a job, there are other things he can do like wash clothes, take care of the children and even cook . . .especially since he helped make the child, dirties the clothes and eats. Why is it the woman has to do these things? Somebody in the house has to work so, whomever has the job needs to get out and work. If he was jobless and she was sitting around talking about “the man is supposed to go out and work” then we’d be having a conversation about lazy welfare recipients too dumb to work and want to collect a check. People have to get in where they fit in and the jobs and roles are often reversed. As long as the child has a loving caregiver, who cares if its the daddy? As long as the lights stay on and there’s food in the fridge, who cares if the mom provides it?
THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS!!! It’s really not about who does it, so long as it gets done!! Everyone contributes to the mess, so everyone is responsible for cleaning it up.
Well,game almost over checkmate,straight up
This is what happens when a mass % of black people allow themselves to be tricked,misled and bambozzled by the white controlled racist media.
These images of the black man changing and being disempowered is mainly coming from a white controlled and dominated source of bad and twisted info.Even if they do stick a small % of black faces in the mix.These mainstream media black’s better not touch upon the wrong issues or isssue or massa will take their job from them and they might become involved in the usual media gossip scandal.So as these debates and arguments continue on and on. Just remember ? slavery never ended it was only updated and made modern.
All we have to do is count how many black people locked up on BS charges in an updated slave type prison plantation system and how many have been beat,brutalized and killed by all types of racist police all over this country.
He who “controls” the medium “controls the message.” And “the message” is about “how you frame” it based on your identity, purpose and direction in life.
Well! you must be very young. First: let us talk about homosexuals. People are born Homosexuals. They do not develope through slavery nor from the Greek army. If that is all that is around them, then they have a better chance of becoming homosexuals from the environment. Second: Men who stay at home caring for the young are hero. He has the sence to know that as long as the bills are being paid, there is food on the table, and everyone at home is happy– WHO GIVES A d**n WHO BROUGHT IN THE CHECK. We don’t want Welfare. But, give me a check to keep the family together, would you say no because it takes away my pride? not your “sexuality” A lot of children experiment in finding themselves they do play the s*x game. If your husband puts on a dress, don’t blame house work. That is what he always was about. Make sure your boys get and girls get an education. Incourge their imagination. Teach them that men and woman are equal in all things. There is no such thing as her job or his job. He may like sewing and she like fixing cars. White people have nothing to do with things today. We are still trying to get past the brain wash of some of our grandparents that we love so much. Today and tomorrow is up to you.
@bernice:
I had a beautiful Black sister tell me that she loves a Black man, who TAKES CARE OF BUSINESS! Whether it be at home or at work, as long as the man is cooking, taking out the garbage, mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, and taking care of the children…HE’S STILL A MAN, if tho, she is the bread winner.
She also said, if a man wears a dress and some high heels; that’s just a fetish! That doesn’t mean he’s a homosexual, he just feels comfortable wearing women’s clothes. He still can be a strong Black man. Remember. Gay Edgar Hoover was a crossdresser, but he was a political gangster, who kept an eye on Black people, and had some of them killed!!!
She also said, that you have homosexuals, who wear three piece suits and are GAY a*s h**l! Therefore, what a person wears does not equate with their manhood. Yes, I will say it is freaky for a man to wear women’s attire, but she had a point about the gay males, who are ‘mustache f**s’!!!
She said there are lesbians, who are finer than Michelle Obama, but don’t want nothing to do with a man! So, where are the articles on these fe-MALES? The Black man is attacked 24/7, 365 days a year, but the Black woman always take a backseat to this homosexual bullshyt!
You are correct; there are no male roles or women roles when it comes to a job. Today, you have male nurses, male secretaries, male designers (who are mosly gay), but they are still males. You have females, who are cops, head of corporations, doctors, lawyers, etc., but they are not labeled gay!
THE BOTTOM LINE IS…MONEY AIN’T GAY; IT’S GREEN! THAT’S WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT!!!The feminization of the Black man is to keep him weak, submissive and on the bottom of the totem poll, so he can be easily controlled.
What these demon/devils don’t tell us, is that caucasoid males are 80% of the homosexual world, but the media only projects Black men in negative images on tell-a-LIE-vision, the radio, and the big screen.
Regardless, if a Black man or woman is homosexual, heterosexual, bi-s****l, asexual or NO s****l…these caucaoids will ALWAYS TREAT US THE SAME.
The main reason that Black people are confused when living under white people’s domination: they do not understand white supremacy.
There is nothing wrong with men doing what he’s got to do to take care of his family. IMO I think this article got a little twisted; Men taking care/providing for their baby(s)/kids is a necessary need. My problem is with the media and what they’re projecting, Flip Wilson, Martin Lawrence, Jamie Foxx, Eddie Murphy and Tyler Perry: grown men cross dressing and we worry about LoLo Jones announcing her virginity
I agree to many men are behaving in a feminine. With homosexuality and bisexuality, the African-American family is declining daily.
Why is it that you open the Sunday paper and you see all white brides and you may see one African-America bride a week or in a month.
As African-Americans we have bought, eaten and swallowed the hype. Free s*x, don’t marry, don’t work, enjoy the thug life, forget about supporting your kids, marry white, go to jail, school-forget that. Who is thi describing (the African-Amerian male).
So the Feminist and the Masculinists are at odds with one another. It is the perfect storm. Two cannot walk together unless they are in agreement. This takes planning and understanding before reality shapes you. Our society shapes females into warriors. Our Native American sisters say not to fear this role as it is part of being a help meet. In native society when the men were off on the hunt the women taught the boys how to shoot. I recall a story of a boy who came home from school crying because a bully had beaten him up. His mother said “Why do you come home crying to me?” “You go whip his a*s.” He did it. The bully was no longer a bully. What was the house rules…”Papa don’t take no mess.”
If this situation was not handled per the dictates of the mother it would have drawn his father into a war with the school system.
I hate Tyler Perry Movies He stay in a Dress so Much He Suspect Homie! Some of our people will do anything for Money or Fame including picking up the soap?Fagit! The worst movie he made was that for Colored Girls a Negro in this movie was Married to Janet Jackson & Gay??? This was weird and the title was weird because we been Black a LongTime! Somebody a Sambo! It’s like these African Americans & you ain’t never been out the Hood lol Fools! People around the Planet Laph at Us! When we was Black Everybody was with us,Now it has turned into Buffonery the System of Racism has always interfiered in the Lives of Blackfolks It was the same way During Slavery Blackwomen like Harriet Tubeman was Acting like a Man & the Men of that time Acted like they had no Testicals?FrightNightNegroes! These Crackers study us but we walk around with our Heads in the sky this is the problem! What our Enemy has done now is to make us the instruments of our own Destruction! Fagitry Dope selfHatingNegroes selfcheck selfdestruct GhettoAiDS die in 6months so keep it in your Pants or you will regret it!
To Sister Zia we were not Homosexual B4 we came into contact with Whitefolks! No Black Civilizations practiced this ! Homosexuality is From Europe Greece & Rome/Italy if you look for Fagits look there! Most Grreks & Italians were BiRacial because their Women were looking for Men so they Turned to the Darkside lol It’s still like that Today Whitegirls still use the Darkside because it’s alot of Fagitry in the White Neighborhoods lol a really sh#TTY deal! Aboriginals whom we are direct descendants from about 78 trillion years ago when the Blackman left Asia moving into East Asia (what the Whiteman Named After a Roman General “Africa”)The Blackman is used to having alot of Woman because of Wars etc when Crackers starting coming into our Part of the Planet! Ask yourself this Question? Why is the Blackman settled on the Best part of the Earth? When you own something you have the first crack at everything! The Blackman being Gods first act of Creation! Not just Africa but the Entire Planet belongs to us! So shall it was in the Beginning so shall it be in the Ending! The Aboriginals of Australia Blackpeople been on our planet for trillions of years but not from Africa see how you can get caught up when you don’t have the knowledge! We are direct descendants the Original Man,Tell me this Why ignorantNegroes listen to Crackers about History,when the Whiteman is a New Group on our Planet lol Stop being a Dummy & a Fool learn your History! There were Gay Slavemasters most of them were French & lived in Louisiannia don’t Drop nothing lol
I see no issue worth arguing over regarding Ms. Nomalanga’s column. As is generally becoming the case nowadays; smart writer, retarded responses. My faith in common man and woman is waning by the second. There is no rationalizing Tyler Perry’s antics as “oh he has a good message, if he’s wearing a dress then his “message” is ‘fellas wear a dress like me.’ I heard the same BS when that excruciatingly-depressing show was on, “The Wire.” Blacks would say ‘oh but it’s so well written.’ Why is entertainment detrimental to blacks ‘well written?’ Because it’s code-language for ‘I know It’s a bad influence, but I like it.’
Hollywood has been on an effeminization mission towards black men because these are in part decisions handed down to them by forces outside of Hollywood. What’s the chance of a cross-dresser becoming a Black Panther or joining the NOI and taking on white supremacy?
Yes black men-many who couldn’t make good relationship decisions when they were gainfully employed-find ourselves a statistic in this recession, some of the sistas working instead, bringin home the bacon and gettin chesty about it. Brothers rolls with the punches, someone mentioned Dr. Francis Cress Welsing, I saw her on TV years ago breaking it down. Read her book “The Isis Papers,” anyway she says a lot of black women don’t understand this is part of how they intentionally planned to break up the black families; discombobulating the family structure.
I saw it clearly in the beginning of the ’80′s, knew something was amiss, but couldn’t put a finger on it. I concluded we either had a staggering amount of highly competent black professional women, or they were just a more pleasant-looking Affirmative Action alternative. Today it’s off the charts, brothers have to be flexible while learning to keep sane (in spite of our penchant for insanity during long extended periods of unemployment) while understanding the real reason this is taking place, EVEN IF SHE DOESN’T. A man is a man, I don’t care if your wife is Police Chief, Astronaut, Rocket Scientist, AND Secretary of State all at the same time. She can’t fight God. If the story of Adam and Eve is to be believed, then when God returns he is not going to talk to Condolezza, Hillary, Sarah Palin with her Moose-chasin-a*s, he’s going to look at the man closest to them and say ‘Bill, What’s up?’ We have to be ready to answer.
..in response to Chris-you said that! I believe in strong men, and Chris, you are absolutely correct, the Black man/Black family has taken some hits during this economic crisis (speaking from personal experience). But, a man HAS to ensure that he holds on to his sanity/manhood, b/c like you said, ultimately, He will speak to the man and men have to be ready to answer and act. I’ll be sure to check out the ‘Isis Papers’. Sounds like an interesting read.
Nomolanga, you articulated the misogynistic perspective of what society says are classic male and female roles. I agree with your statement, “I don’t believe that a man taking care of his children makes him a woman any more than a woman working makes her a man. I believe that one positive step that we can all take, as a community, is to start having conversations about what our desired outcomes are and then work together to create our best lives.” Roles in our society have changed and men and women have to find balance between their workplace roles and the personal roles. Circumstance dictates that we have this conversation. Like you it seems, I would rather have this conversation sooner than later, and stop allowing the media and others to have input in this vital discussion and further erode the black family. Great job!
I am a single, Black father, raising two college attending daughters, ages 20 and 21. I was raised, along with my three brothers, by a single, female head-of-household, strong willed Black mother in the 1960′s and 70′s. By the grace of God, and although I was raised in the inner-city of New Orleans, Louisiana, and exposed to drugs, pimping, prostitution, etc., I was able to avoid going to prison, after high school I served in the U.S. Air force (honorable discharge)and then went on to obtain a BA in Africana studies, music and communications. I do believe there is a “feminization” of the Black male in today’s society, and it is a very far reaching, complex issue to deal with here in this limited space. Let me however offer my short and skinny analysis. There are three items or issues that come immediately to mind, when discussing the feminization of Black men, they are..
1. The feminization of the historical/political/cultural image of Jesus Christ
2. The systemic enslavement of Africans in America, 1619 – 1964
3. White appropriation of Black art, culture, and imagery
First and I know this is highly controversial, yet if you think about it and do a little research, you may agree with me. Here in America, (and in Africa for that matter) the image of Jesus Christ has been deliberately watered down, weakened and distorted in a concerted effort to control and distort the image of the revolutionary activist that actually lived in biblical times. This effort has been very effective, and has resulted in an American, Christian focused Black population that is at best, confused about its direction, and is often at odds with its spiritual leadership that tends to border on the corrupt; IE; Bishop Eddie Long, Rev. Creflo Dollar, Jesse Jackson, and a plethora of others too numerous to mention.
The Jesus we are feed is one whose suffering is the lesson/attraction. And although we are taught to believe he rose from the dead, we can never physically embrace or see him again. This is disturbing to young minds when I teach history in classrooms around this nation, and as educators and parents, we are not talking to our kids about these matters of spirituality/history, cause most of us don’t know our true history.
And I am speaking not as a Christian, or Muslim, I am speaking as a free thinking Black man, who respects all spiritual/religious beliefs, yet I am one of makes a distinction between the historical record, and the “holiness” of self-appointed, “profane” or is it profound and dynamic preachers and religious entrepreneurs.
Second, the enslavement of African people is in my view, the greatest affront to humanity in the history of recorded events. In a space of less than 500 years, countless millions of human beings were systematically stripped of all of the elements that comprise human being-ness; that is their spiritual/social beliefs and systems, their cultural traditions and morays, their political/economic systems and modes of behavior, and their very names and emotional identification with themselves! In this process, Black men violently attacked if they exhibited interest in being a full-fledged man who protects and provides for his woman and family; in those days, they were physically assaulted, (murdered) and their genitals were cut off and displayed in an open market environment for all (Black people) to see, digest, remember and understand. This was forced emasculation, and it worked.
Last but not least, is the manner in which the powerful and elite in our American population have targeted, exploited, and controlled our creative and artistic output and contributions; which is one of our most powerful cultural statements. For example did you know that Louis “Satchmo” Armstrong (1901 – 1971) is considered to be America’s greatest cultural/musical gift to the world? He is credited with inventing scatting, swing, soloing as an art form, modes of rhythm, and is the father of American singing, influencing everyone from Billie Holiday, to Frank Sinatra, to Sam Cooke and on and on. Yet, you also may not know that for his entire (50 year) career, he had to give half of every penny he made to his manager, mob connected Joe Glaser, who also managed Billie Holiday for a while. In his career, he was restricted in terms of things he wanted to say and songs he wanted to sing. His image was sharply and smartly shaped to appease a white middle-American record buying public that did not want to deal with the revolutionary, intellectually stimulating image of a Paul Robeson, or even a ground-breaking actor like, Canada Lee (whom we should all read about). We should also read up on Jack Johnson, the first Black heavyweight champion, who scared the h**l out of white and Black so-called middle-class Americans.
So the game is to give a little money (and make a whole lot more) and notoriety to artists and thereby control what they say and how they say it. As a result, we no longer have a Sam Cooke singing, “A Change Is Gonna Come”, or a Curtis Mayfield shouting out, “This Is My Country” or a James Brown boldly stating, “Say It Loud, I’m Black & I’m Proud”., or for that matter a Marvin Gaye critiquing society in “Makes Me Wanna Holler, throw up both my hands”! Today, we have a dumbed down, sanitized, ghetto fabulous generation of singers, rappers and actors who make no political) or cultural statements, and seem to have an insatiable desire to appease popular taste and generate as much money as is possible.
All Black men are not emasculated, yet, we must acknowledge that there is a problem, and no, I don’t think Tyler Perry’s Madea necessarily helps our situation, nor do I think it’s central to this issue. Yet, I believe the answers to our challenges were it concerns Black manhood, have already been addressed by countless accomplished, (yes I am one) unknown Black fathers, grandfathers, brothers, and sons. And many of our great writers and poets have contemplated this issue and provided answers; we must listen to the voices of Nat Turner, WEB DuBois, Marcus Garvey, Adam Clayton Powell Jr., James Baldwin, (who was effeminate yet, revolutionary, defiant and manly) Fidel Castro, Che Guevera, Huey Newton, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Sr. & Jr., Curt Flood, Jackie Robinson, Muhammad Ali, Robert (Negro’s With Guns) Williams, Jim Brown, and many, many more..
Following is a design on manhood as given to us by a great educator (may he restr in peace) Mr. Earl Walter Jr. I use it in the context of my male development mentoring program and curiculum, See A Man, Be A Man.
10 DESIRED QUALITIES OF A MAN
Earl Walter Jr.
“Root Curriculum”
The following qualities of a man were articulated in the late great Earl Walter Jr., s stirring book, Challenge to Manhood; This curriculum is dedicated to the preservation of his memory.
1. COMMON SENSE: Using good judgment, correcting your mistakes.
2. CLEANLINESS: Good hygiene, diet and exercise.
3. INTELLIGENCE: Thinking independently, applying knowledge, acquiring wisdom in life.
4. COURAGE: Standing up for what you believe, despite the odds. Understanding that sacrifice is essential to living a principled life.
5. DISCIPLINE: Self control. Resisting temptation and maintaining life standards.
6. FAMILY RESPONSIBILITY: Providing food, shelter, emotional support etc., for loved ones.
7. SEXUALITY: The interest and ability to satisfy your mate intimately and in relationship to sensuality.
8. AFFECTION: Displaying emotions, considering others before self.
9 SPIRITUALITY: At peace with self, nature and humanity.
10. NEATNESS: Organization, maintenance of records, papers, being on time for appointments, etc.
I hope the author knows that this is not an evolution of some sorts but this situation has quickly devolved the Black family and the relationship personas between Black women and Black men. Because society has decided to inialate and demonfy Black men…. so should the Black women. If we as Black men are all gone and down in the dumps who will look out for you? I admit that the Black men have to be very aware of not only what is and has been taking place (in lieu of our existence)in this world for a long time, but also note the cost. Things have gotten to this point because we like to cut up instead of straighten up. And sistas can’t be let off of the hook. You women are in the center of this mess. There was a time when sistas did not want a thug or a “jive turkey” or any of that. Nowadays that seems to be all you want and you have gotten all of it. Black people need to take the mantel of self- respect and self-righteousness and live by that. I an not asking for saints, but I an asking us to live up to our human potential. Before I am Black man I am human. The same goes for each and every one of us. By the way I take care of my children, change diapers, feed and cook. It is not a gender thing, but a parent thing. I an d**n proud of it! We have a responsibility and thorugh our actions we can teach our children to do more, to expect more and to demand more of themselves, because thay saw us doing it… This is tradition and we need to get back to teaching by example.