Dr. Boyce: Five Questions Men Should Ask Themselves Before Having s*x
by Dr. Boyce Watkins, BlackBlueDog.com
I’ve been a black man for quite a while now. It’s been a fun ride, with its ups and downs. But I have to say that in this journey, where half the world is working to secure your extinction, you realize that your ability to think and make critical decisions can become the key to your survival. But beyond surviving, you also want to prosper. Part of your path to prosperity should include good family planning.
Kids are expensive, both financially and emotionally. When they come to life, your life suddenly becomes secondary. You might want the new Xbox360 game, but you won’t be playing jack if the baby needs a new set of diapers. Even if you try to walk away from your responsibility, the courts won’t let you, and you’ll also be explaining to a 20-year old boy why you hated him enough to leave him to the wolves.
Given that s*x is one of the most natural forces in the universe, I thought I’d explain a few things to you. You don’t have to take my advice, and I don’t know everything. But when it’s all said and done and you are lying in the bed you’ve made for yourself, you’ll realize that the most significant events in your life come down to whether or not you made good choices or bad ones.
Here are five things to consider before having s*x:
1) Why are you doing this anyway?
Sadly enough, commercialized hip hop on the radio makes its billions by teaching black men to have s*x with any pretty thing with a working female organs. The rule is that if she’s “fine” and she’s willing, then you’d be a fool not to take it. The sad part of this story is that a lot of brothers soon find that a toxic woman, even one with a beautiful smile, can make you wish you were never born. Evelyn Lozada, the violent Sasquatch on Basketball Wives might be a perfect case-in-point.
In additional to women who can be flat out evil and devious, there are others who are walking public health alerts. Everything that looks clean is not. Speaking of which…..
2) Diseases are everywhere
When’s the last time you went to the doctor to get tested for STDs? Not just HIV, but Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Syphilis, Herpes, HPV and all the other things that can kill you? Are you really stupid enough to think that you can run through every woman you want and not catch at least two or three of these diseases (yes, even with a condom, since a lot of people don’t wear condoms when they have oral s*x)? Everyone wants to blame gay black men for the fact that HIV rates among black women are through the roof, but an irresponsible heterosexual is far more devastating than a responsible gay man any day of the week.
3) Are you ready for kids?
Newsflash: There tends to be a correlation between s****l activity and child birth. Babies are not delivered by Storks, they are delivered by baby’s mamas. Some people talk about “hitting that” and “getting it in,” as if there is no chance that this woman might eventually be running around with the your child in her womb. When you choose to sleep with a woman, you may be putting your life and your child’s life in that woman’s hands. This leads to our next question….
4) Would you want this woman to be the mother of your child?
Sooo, you’re about to plant your seed of life into the woman that you don’t know, don’t like and don’t want to hang around more than 10 minutes after the s*x is over? Good choice. How about spending the next 30 years with this woman, as she conspires to keep you out of the life your child, sucks up a massive chunk of your paycheck and teaches your kids all the wrong values, with you being able to do nothing about it? Your seed is valuable, and you shouldn’t share it with just any woman who opens herself up to you. You have to think about your future.
Speaking of child support…..
5) Do you want to pay child support for the rest of your life? Let me answer that question – no you don’t.
Terrell Owens once thought it was a GOOD thing that he had as many women as he wanted. Now, he’s slowly realizing that his blessing has turned into a curse. The man who once had money to the ceiling is now taking a bath in his own pity party. Terrell didn’t plan, and all the other dudes out there making babies like there’s no tomorrow will also expect someone to feel sorry for them years later when they are broke, busted and disgusted. The truth is that I don’t feel sorry for them, and if you make the same choices, the world won’t feel sorry for you either.
s*x is thrilling, amazing and incredibly powerful. In fact, the drive for s*x can make a man insane. But as Spiderman’s uncle once said (I really love this quote and I use it all the time) “with great power comes great responsibility,” and with manhood comes accountability. Little boys have no business having s*x with anyone, so when you share yourself with a woman in the future, you must make sure that you’re thinking like a man.
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Professor at Syracuse University. To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.
61 Responses to Dr. Boyce: Five Questions Men Should Ask Themselves Before Having s*x
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This article should really be title, “Five Questions Men Should Ask Themselves Before Having s*x…With Women.” Also, many of the views here are completely misogynistic.
Zereph: Having read the article twice, I don’t see the misogyny.
What are you referring to?
(Same question asked below to another poster).
HIV is synthetic. It has been developed over a number of years and it has an affinity for people of color. What the science and medical evidence concludes is that the HIV enzyme seeks out a receptor site in the blood of the Black genome. The receptor site is the CCR5 Delta 32+ (positive) gene that all people of color have. In the same sense, on the other end of the spectrum, is the 15 percent Caucasian population of the world, which is CCR5 Delta 32-(negative) gene. That means that under no circumstances, whether HIV came through the air, intravenous drug usage or any form of s****l activity, would the virus be transferable in Caucasian sector of the world’s population, which is basically of northern European descent.
It is speculated by some experts that, in a worse case scenario, 85 percent of the world’s population could potentially perish under these designer viruses and designer synthetic biological agents. What we’re looking at here—because of this identified gene of the Black genome, this CCR5 Delta32+ (positive)—we are potentially looking at the eradication of all people of color.The bible states “My people perish for lack of knowledge. The true devil doesn’t wear red tights, a cape with horns protruding from his forehead instead, the devil incarnate are diabolical Caucasian scientist (men and women) in white lab coats.
I don’t see a hatred of women in this article. But these questions should be asked by both sexes. In other words, women should ask the converse questions of men they consider having s*x with.
Only a anti intellectual would have a problem with what Doc said.You should be glad that a man laid it out,straight,no chaser.
question number 1 would definitely be….where the heck is your left arm???
LOL!
Puritanical nonsense.
#1 Being gay and responsible are not terms that co-exist and it is treacherous and devious of you to ignore that black bi-s****l men are the reason AIDS got transported to black women.
#2. What man is not able to do anything about his own children?? This may seem like a wild foreign concept to you but sharing custody can almost completely eliminate the problems you named as a result of an unplanned shared parenthood. How irresponsible of you to neglect saying that.
Shared custody is easier talked about then gained…
That s why I bang only white chicks,,,all they want is me for my manhood to put it in a nice way. I give a s**t if they get knocked up. They just tell they old man that it must have been way back in his genes, he had a great great great great great grandpa or grand ma that enjoyed the company of some slave. And so far its worked, so black power, and Obama again to rule the usa. Get out and vote hes gonna help us someday.
You are a sick a*s Uncle Tom self hating Negro.
African American no negro Ronnie
I find your answer very disturbing. I am a “white chick” an no way in h**l are you talking about any woman who doesn’t respect herself. So obviously you’re just “putting your manhood” in just anybody. I respect myself and yes I do have two mixed babies and very proud of them even being mixed. I really find even more disturbing that you don’t care that you could or have gotten one “knocked up”. They are your seeds you should be proud to have kids if not then I would advise you to stop screw anybody. They are blessings and you should be very proud of them. You must be really young and stupid. Prayers go out to you and your offspring if you have so happened to have gotten someone pregnant.
If only Dr. Watkins could get these words set to music and promoted nonstop as a hit rap song. Some of our young men might even get the message ingrained in their minds as much as the lyrics that helped to cause the problems in the first place. Of course, you’d have to convince the music sellers that a message that isn’t anti-social is worth promoting.
Dr Boyce, you made valid points but you marred them all with your misogynistic undertones.
Ekanem: Having read this article twice, I don’t see the misogyny.
What are you referring to?
(Same question posted above to another similar comment)
It appears the only question asked in five different ways is… What if I get something during this act I can’t give back?
Try these completely different questions that relieves the woman of ALL the responsibility off the woman and puts some of it back on YOU, the brother considering the act.
1. Do I know her name? Is she employed? Is this her profession or side gig?
2. Does she understand I am using her just because she is fine, or have I led her to believe I actually care for her?
3. Do I know here well enough to understand her motives?
4. Is she old enough?
5. Have I discussed STD’s with her?
6. Do I have a pocket of protection?
7. Does she have children? Will they be in the home?
8. Have I discussed my exit strategy? Will she feel humiliated by it? Will she expect a call the following day?
s*x includes FEELINGS too. Perhaps the reason readers are suggesting you might be a misogynist is that you have completely ignored the humanity of the “FINE” woman and reduced her to a piece of meat. Do you get it now?
As a family lawyer of 40 years your questions are valuable, plus more. The tragedies resulting from having children with the wrong persons are uncountable, from bankruptcy to death, to the destruction of careers. Most of the misery in the black community comes from millions of single parents trying to raise children by themselve. Your wrong choice can often produce children with little opportunities to lead fruitful lives.
As my parents told me over and over again, “look before you leap,” and never get intimate with a person you will not marry.
PS
Some of the comments are really misguided, but your observations provide a solid foundation for guidence for our black youth.
Terrific article, Dr. Boyce. I hope it gives a lot of men something to think about — and to pause and consider the consequences for engaging in s*x. This is especially important if men lie to a woman in order to get them to have s*x (rather than being upfront about their intentions, about whether they are already in a relationship, etc.). Very good advice to young and older men.
Donna Rogers — you make many good points, particularly about reminding men that women are people (not objects) and that feelings matter, not just getting physical relief from s*x. But I do not see anything particularly misogynist about Dr. Boyce’s article.
Where is her left arm ,somebody?
They may not care Rachel.
Messej & rachel u r funny! She really seems to have 1 arm. LOL
But seriously, those seeing misogynist undertones in the article r reaching. Of course there r many other ??? a man may consider b4 s*x with a fine sista he obviously barely knows. Hey, if it is a woman he cares for & loves these ??? woulda been long answered already. Disease is not a factor,kids would b loved & cared for by daddy(still in relationship or not), long established this woman is both beautiful, intelligent & can hold her own. Any intelligent, respectful(of himself & others) men will consider these ???. Them problems arise b/c too many are self involved, think only with their little,lower brain guys & gals(yes women aren’t asking the right ??? either) who act w/o using the brain in their heads. Unfortunately too many innocent children have to suffer the consequences.
I purpsefully bypassed many of the responses because the conversation itself in my old man’s opinion, is infantile and schoolyard fodder. This is however an opening as to what we as a people need to be teaching our children. And in some extreme cases, what our children need to be teaching us as parents, and how open we are to learning from these very same children who happen to be on the very front lines of whats about to come down. No, I don’t believe s*x is seperated in anyway, it is what it is; a fast or slow climb to an o****m. Who you chose to do it with whether with some one else or alone is entirely up to you. And you and you alone will bare the dividends or consequences of your carnal efforts. Five questions you propose? there is only one; ” can you handle it?”
Teach!
Great article!
TO GET SOME OR NOT TO GET SOME? THAT IS THE COMMON SENSE OF IT ALL ?
Advice delivered from a petit bourgeois perspective.just more of the same anti procreation polemic aimed at people of color.im tired of greenback fundalmentalists telling us that it is counter-productive to have good s*x and beautiful black children because it doesnt make good financial sense.all people,including black/brown people, were put here on this earth for one reason, to procreate .period.
Only heimlick hemler, margeret sanger,the kkk, the bilderbergs,or you bill cosby negroes have a problem with black birth rates in amerika and the world.if yall would stop measuring success based on capitalist interests/goals, and embrace the socialist concept of the collective-the only concept that has saved black folk for 400 yrs in america-then the stigma of being somehow less than would evaporate.
For those wishing to defy our natural tendencies/ traditions of collectivity is a futile attempt to assimilate a dominant cultures dementia and eventual demise.
The dominant euro cultures realities/fears around genetic anhilation and alleged scarcity of resources are of no concern to a large ,fertile/healthy black collective adept at struggle/surviving since slavery.
Don’t forget Planned Barrenhood, born of m.sanger. Coincidence they’re found mostly in black neighborhoods? I think not.
Jesus H. Christ. Every time I read anything by this Doctor Boyce, I’m just amazed.
The way this dude writes just blows me away. It’s funny because it is something that is so consistent among blacks – they all seem to have the same writing style: convoluted ideas that seem to just barely make sense, words strung together in the most forced, incoherent fashion. It’s as thought the author is literally struggling with the words.
I’d say the good doctor writes on the level of an averagely intelligent eight-year-old white boy. If that, hélas.
Wow.
So stop reading if you think you are so far above us all. Idiot.
“Even if you try to walk away from your responsibility, the courts won’t let you…” BULLSHIT.
The ONLY worthwhile question in this article is #4: Would you want this woman to be the mother of your child?” A truthfully considered answer to that question should make the rest of them irrelevant.
Truth, denial, anger, cynicism. It’s all here, both in Dr. Watkins brilliant article, and the responses herein. I just hope that one day my people will regain romance, and drop this free-for-all f**king suggested by these heinous rap songs delivered by pitiful, ignorant, irresponsible misfits. No, I am not playing the holier than thou bit. When I was younger and dumber I sometimes succumbed to the urge for an o****m without giving consequences much thought. My only advice to young men AND women is: THINK!
I AGREE!WAKE UP PEOPLE!
Yeah, for real. We are human beings not rutting beasts.
If both men and women would respect bible principles then perhaps they would not have to ask themselves any of these questions .In this day and time most men are not concern about any of these questions what they are concerned about is having as much s*x as possible with whom ever so they don’t think about the after effects of STD’s unwanted pregnancies,child support etc untill it is too late and when they are hit with child support by a woman they clearly have no intentions of ever marrying or a vist to their doctor to see why they are having pain and a runny discharge and it is then and only then that they ask the big question (WHY)
For every action there is an equally opposite reaction and subsequent consequence. The questions posed in this article are simply asking are you as a man prepared to deal with those consequences that are surely going to arise in a relationship with a not-so wholesome woman. Most of those consequences if not in fact all of those consequences are very serious, some even deadly;- for a piece of a**? REALLY??? Come on now, do not be so ignorant and lead by your meat to lose your life just for sum pu~~y. OK! Find a good GOD-Fearing woman. Then (REAL KEY HERE): BE COMMITTED TO HER AND NOT SUM PUNK-AZZ WANNA B PLAYA-and you will not have to encounter or have to deal with any of the consequences posed in this article in your life. I know it sounds pie-in-the-skyish but there is just too much sh*t out there to not find that one wholesome and loving female. The key words there are wholesome and loving. Your Beyoce’ to your Jay-Z. Not some freak or hoochie-mama who will screw anything breathing. It might look good. But all pu**y aint good pu**y. Hoochie-coo*hie can be more like a trap, an ensnarement rather than just a moment’s pleasure. With hiv, baby-mama-drama, exes who dont know how to let go, child-support, etc…etc…etc…. you can find yourself really caught-up. In the end, IT JUST AIN’T WORTH IT. So be wise. All this article is saying is to THINK BEFORE YOU ACT! It is not misogynistic it is simply sound advice. This is the same advice Solomon gave to his sons in the book of PROVERBS about dealing with strange women some 2000 years ago…and YES I DID get biblical on ur azz.
For every action there is an equally opposite reaction and subsequent consequence. The questions posed in this article are simply asking are you as a man prepared to deal with those consequences that are surely going to arise in a relationship with a not-so wholesome woman. Most of those consequences if not in fact all of those consequences are very serious, some even deadly;- for a piece of a**? REALLY??? Come on now, do not be so ignorant and lead by your meat to lose your life just for sum pu~~y. OK! Find a good GOD-Fearing woman. Then (REAL KEY HERE): BE COMMITTED TO HER AND NOT SUM PUNK-AZZ WANNA B PLAYA-and you will not have tato encounter or have to deal with any of the consequences posed in this article in your life. I know it sounds pie-in-the-skyish but there is just too much sh*t out there to not find that one wholesome and loving female. The key words there are wholesome and loving. Your Beyoce’ to your Jay-Z. Not some freak or hoochie-mama who will screw anything breathing. It might look good. But all pu**y aint good pu**y. Hoochie-coo*hie can be more like a trap, an ensnarement rather than just a moment’s pleasure. With hiv, baby-mama-drama, exes who dont know how to let go, child-support, etc…etc…etc…. you can find yourself really caught-up. In the end, IT JUST AIN’T WORTH IT. So be wise. All this article is saying is to THINK BEFORE YOU ACT! It is not misogynistic it is simply sound advice. This is the same advice Solomon gave to his sons in the book of PROVERBS about dealing with strange women some 2000 years ago…and YES I DID get biblical on ur azz.
i finally found an opinion i can agree with uncle tom boyce watkins.Listen guys to this one he finally make sense on this issue.I hope he or his staff don’t delete my post since im not clowning derrick,jealous mentally enslaved african americans or racist resentful whites.I like this site so can smack the shiggiddy truth.COLIN POWELL IS AN HONOURABLE MAN JUST LIKE OUR PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA.
Yes, good for Colin Powell. Now he needs to divest himself of the Greedy Old People party of right wing lunatics and join some other party.
LOLOL! Check out the comment from “Jon”. Clearly a non-Black PRETENDING to be Black so as to make all readers think that Blacks are brutish beasts. Also – check out the way the writer found a way to bring President Obama into this. Don’t be fooled, My Friends.
OMG. Every man and everyone with a son needs to read this to them. So many men seem to forget somehow conveniently that they are the other half of the equation when it comes to brining a life into the world. There are no immaculate conceptions. When a man father’s a child he is responsible ethnically, morally and financially for that life, period.
I have applied these principles in my own life as a woman. Particularly do I want this person to be the father of my child? People used to laugh at me because I don’t believe in casual s*x. In fact, casual s*x is an oxymoron. There is nothing casual about it. I’m not a prude or a Christian, but I do believe that our ability to create life should not be taken lightly and that we shouldn’t use other’s bodies or hearts as playthings.
Thanks for writing this, Dr. Watkins.
This should really open the eyes of so many young men that really haven’t gave though as to what they need to be thinking before they give there seed away.
Condoms, condoms, condoms! There should be a condom commercial for every half naked woman on tv. We are teaching our kids how to do everything but protect themselves. There is a s*x scene in every movie. If you think your kids have not seen one ASK them and watch their face when they lie to you. s****l instruction is everywhere, sexusl protection is missing in action. Check the x-box 360 games your kids are getting from their friends, check their computer, instagram. If you haven’t, you have already lost the battle, your kids have probably already had s*x. My son is 30. I have 3 wonderful grandchildren. The first one was a surprise. He is married and it worked out great, but things could have been much, much, different. When my grandchildren visit, I check their phone, games, and computer. You should do the same. Protect, protect, protect.
FIRST OF ALL, WAIT A WHILE AND GET HER TESTED.PLEASE DONT RELY ON HER WORD THAT SHE DONT HAVE
ANYTHING. A DOCTOR TOLD ME DONT LET A PIECE OF TALE CAUSE YOU YOUR LIFE.
Alas, there are many of us willing, capable and able to pick up the pieces. Through it all, I have no children, because the studs and pretty boys taken them all I sought. So, I am one of those, who supplement several families in need children of what other men have left. Call us what you will, however, it is a reality, when so many brothers are in prison or dead. I am an older dude now with the intent to accumulate as much as I can and give it away, to help where there is none. I am not exactly a choice of choices to be made either, but I have learned to appreciate loyalty, and belatedly discipline.